Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
He just instantly becomes a statue who probably lost all feelings for me the second I told him my deepest secret.
What.
Did.
I.
Just.
Do.
“Fuck,” I whisper. “Any chance you didn’t hear that?”
I know it’s a long shot, but maybe Jake’s heart is beating as loud as mine is right now, the noise filling his ears and drowning out only specific phrases.
Like my first-ever boyfriend love proclamation.
But then Jake’s dark eyebrows lift, and he pulls in a slow, deep breath and rubs at his face and pushes his hands through his hair, and he’s still pitched forward and leaning on the counter and staring right at me with his mouth hidden now behind his linked fingers.
Is he smiling? Frowning? Muttering death threats? Who the fuck knows!
So, I ask, “What happened to you before you came here? What did you want to tell me about?” Because maybe changing the subject will stop me from wishing I would’ve said anything else and save Jake from having to respond.
And is the fucking heat set to ninety in here? I think my sweat is sweating.
Jake lets his arms fall to the counter with his hands still clasped, and his face is somber when he finally speaks and tells me, “There was a dealer at that meeting I just came from.”
I sit up taller and scoot to the edge of my stool.
My heartbeat was nothing before.
“What,” I say. “Are you kidding?”
“No.”
I cover his hands with mine. “Holy shit. What happened?”
No snacks and a dealer?
This place should be burned to the fucking ground.
“It was fucking crazy. This prick was hanging around outside, just waiting. I think he might sell there a lot. He approached me when I was walking to my car and I wanted everything, Felix. Everything he had on him. But I backed away and pulled out my phone, and—”
Jake looks down and smiles the smallest smile, then he lifts his eyes and looks straight at me.
“And I saw that picture you sent me. I made it my lock screen. And I’m staring at you and reading your texts, and I just fucking walked away from him. It was incredible. I’ve never done that. I never could before. And then I come in here thinking maybe today is the best day of my life because of what I was able to do, and you fucking say you’re in love with me.”
Breath lodges in my throat.
I pull my hands away and slowly sit back. “Um. Did I though? I don’t think that’s what I said.”
“Shut up. I just heard you.”
“Well. It is a million degrees in here. We could all be hallucinating.”
“Take the hoodie off.”
“I’d. Rather. Die.”
“Fine.” He shakes his head through a laugh. “You want to know how to make me feel good all the time?”
“If it involves removing your hoodie, then no.”
“It doesn’t.”
“Okay. Then yes. Tell me and I’ll start doing it.”
His smile is slow and beautiful. “Exist, Felix.”
“What?”
“I just need you to exist. Stay here with me. That’s it. That’s all you have to do.”
And I speak so quietly when I respond with, “That’s not enough,” because I’m scared Jake will hear me and change his mind, and then he’ll start making sense. I think he has to.
I’m only me.
But Jake keeps his smile as he says, “You make me feel better than any drug I’ve ever taken.”
And I think I might be having a heat stroke.
“What?” I whisper.
“You heard me.”
“Okay, but why does my body do this? This has to be what hell feels like.”
I strip off the hoodie and bundle it up in my lap, and for the first time in my life, I don’t fix my hair or even think about fixing it.
I’m too focused on Jake and us and this moment that might be the moment. The one I never thought I’d have.
“Sorry. Yes. I did hear you. But can you say that one more time?” I ask. “Please?”
“You make me feel better than any drug I’ve ever taken. And I’ve taken a lot of drugs, Felix.”
“Well, have you tried heroin? Because I hear that’s pretty fucking amazing. You can ask Dean about it. He’s in the back.”
I quickly fan at my face.
“Are you fucking insane?” he asks. “What the fuck? Did you really just say that to me?”
“I didn’t mean it! I’m nervous!” I sputter, and Jake is all smiles again. “Look what you’re doing to me! And did you not hear yourself? I think you’re saying you love me too, but no one’s ever said that to me besides my mom. Even though I know Dean loves me, but this is different. Right?”
“If he loves you like I do, we have a problem.”
Whoa.
“Okay. Wow. You are saying you love me. Holy fuck. This is it. This is actually it!”
I do a full three sixty on my stool, and Jake chuckles.
And I smile and I smile. “Holy shit. You love me, Jake.”