Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
“Nice,” Felix says, his tone almost reverent.
“Then he went and told on me and there wasn’t anything me or my brother could do. And now that shit stays on my permanent record forever. Three tours and I can’t even claim to be a veteran. I’m basically a fucking disgrace.”
I close my eyes against the heels of my hands as this sick feeling rolls through me.
I could blame the three donuts I ate, but I know that’s not the reason I suddenly want to retch.
My life is the reason.
I swallow down the bile slowly coating my throat. And when Felix remains quiet, I drop my hands and look over at him again and find he’s just staring at me like he doesn’t know what to say back.
And I guess I get it. What do you say to someone to try and make them feel better when there’s absolutely nothing that could possibly do that?
But then, then, Felix surprises the fuck out of me by responding with the last thing I expect anyone to take from that recap.
“So, is it like, exclusively girls for you or…”
I blink. What.
“What?” I ask.
He blushes furiously. “Uh, like, do you only date girls or no…”
“Where is that coming from?”
“Well, at the beginning, you said your girlfriend broke up with you.”
“Yeah. And?”
“Then you said she fucked your roommate. At least once.”
“Yeah, I remember. And?”
“I’m just wondering if you’re exclusively straight. Now. Or like, were you ever.”
“Exclusively straight,” I repeat slowly.
“Yeah.”
He shrugs, like obviously, why wouldn’t he be wondering if I only date girls. This is and should be the only takeaway people have after listening to the retelling of how I lost seven years of sobriety and ended up in Ruxton, Alabama.
“Never mind,” he quickly says. “That sucks, Jake. The whole thing—what you just said. I’m really sorry that happened to you. And your roommate is a giant dick. There’s no excuse for what he did. You deserved a better friend than that.”
I’m still wondering how in the hell our conversation took a turn into my sexuality, so I don’t agree, even though I want to. He is a giant dick. Then Felix is pushing his half-eaten fourth donut across the table and bumping my plate out of the way, and I’m too distracted now to ask him why he cares what I like.
“Here. You can have the rest,” he says.
I study the donut. “That’s okay.”
“No. I want you to have it.”
“I’m good. I already ate three of them.”
“Yeah, but I ate three and a half. You need to catch up.”
And because for some reason, I think it would be nice if we both ate the same fractional amount (shut up, I know it’s weird), and because he’d probably like it just as much as me (why would I care what he likes? I don’t have to answer that), I pick up the half donut and swallow it down in two bites.
“And now we’re even.” He grins so, so big.
I suck chocolate frosting off my thumb. “Yay.”
His laugh is nice.
Yeah, I could’ve easily answered that sexuality question.
“So. Let’s talk sponsors,” he says, keeping us on target.
“Okay.”
“You got one?”
“No. You?”
He nods. “Did you see that guy I was sitting with?”
I think for a moment. “Neck tattoo?”
His eyes widen before he drops his head back against the booth, groaning. “Neck tattoo.” I watch him swallow. “Ungh. That never stops being hot.”
I laugh a little. “Whatever you say.”
“What? It is.” He looks at me like I’m insane to think anything different. “Anyway. That’s Dean. He’s an amazing sponsor. Been doing it for years. Plus, he’s a kickass tattoo artist. He taught me everything I know.”
“So I should… ask him to be my sponsor?”
“What? No.”
“Oh. I don’t.” Huh. Okay. “I’ve never had a sponsor before. That’s not how it works?”
He leans forward. “You’ve never had a sponsor before?”
“No.”
“You were clean for seven years without a sponsor?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s badass, Jake. Damn.”
“I never really did meetings before. I didn’t like any of them. No one talked to me.”
He frowns.
And now I sound really pathetic. Great.
“I didn’t not like any of them just because no one talked to me. It was more than that.”
Felix doesn’t call me out on my lie. “Still. No one talked to you? Like, not even a hello?”
“Nope.”
“What a bunch of assholes.”
“I guess.”
“No. Seriously. Do you want another donut? I can get you another one.”
“Uh. No. That’s okay.”
“Are you sure? I eat a lot when I’m sad.”
“I’m not sad.”
“Well, now I kinda am.” His voice is so quiet now. “I can’t believe no one talked to you. That’s so messed up. We’re supposed to be a fucking community and welcoming and supportive. And they treated you like a bunch of high school bitches. I’m honestly upset about it.”
“Felix, it’s fine.”
“Jake, it really isn’t.”
We stare at each other.
I cock my head and wonder where the hell this guy came from. Why is he so bothered by this? And why am I bothered by him being bothered?