Total pages in book: 118
Estimated words: 109178 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 546(@200wpm)___ 437(@250wpm)___ 364(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 109178 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 546(@200wpm)___ 437(@250wpm)___ 364(@300wpm)
“Well, I’ve known him a while, many years really, but we ran into each other again a couple of months ago. His name is Lennox.” Nana nodded in understanding. “And yes… I really like this one. A lot, actually. We were kinda young when we first met, so it’s probably best things panned out just as they did. I think I told you about him a long time ago. It’s nice to get butterflies over a man again.”
“It shole is, ain’t it? I tell you, no other man made me feel that way but Samuel.” Samuel had been Nana’s third and final husband. He’d passed away a couple of years prior. She’d been first married at age sixteen, then again at twenty-two. The first husband, who she only called devil, used to beat her and was double her age. The second one, Princeton, was a cheater and would be gone for weeks at a time, with all the money gone right along with him. “I love to see you smilin’. I hope you have a fun time. Make sure you tell me all about it.”
“I’m sure I will, and you know I will.” Nadia took another sip of her drink. “Nana?”
“Mmmm hmm?” The old woman clasped her hands and yawned.
“Mama was willing to talk to me a little more the other day. Told me I could ask her a question. You know, about the stuff I used to complain about to you. How she wouldn’t open up and speak to me. You’ve always told me that it wasn’t your place to fill in the gaps. That she should tell me in her own time. Nana, that time has come and gone. I could tell she was trying though, and I appreciate that for what it’s worth.”
She leaned forward, set her drink down and clasped her hands, her gaze piercing. The sun hit the reflection in her dark-rimmed glasses, almost blocking out her inky, slanted eyes completely.
“You say you appreciate it, but it wasn’t enough. Yes, I said for years I wanted you to give her time. I suppose you feel time is running out. I’ve spoken to my child about this. She don’t wanna hear nothin’ I got to say about it, though. We ain’t promised tomorrow.” Nana’s complexion deepened, and she looked away.
There was a stillness between them. The wind even seemed to slow down, giving room and space.
“There wasn’t enough time in a day, a week or a year to make this make sense, Nana. I need something bad, but I’m not sure what it is.” She shrugged. “I used to feel selfish. I had most of what I wanted growin’ up. Naw, we weren’t rich or anything like that, but I didn’t struggle like some folks did. I felt bad for complaining. Mama used to tell me to stop all that fussin’ and cryin’. I’d ask her for things, but I didn’t want anything. I wanted her.” A deep pain buried inside of her was unleashed. “I am searching for a lot of things, Nana, but I think I’m partially blind. Maybe even if I saw what I was searching for, I wouldn’t recognize it.”
“You would recognize it. Don’t doubt yourself.”
“Well, let me rephrase it. It’s like a treasure hunt, you know? But like I said, I don’t know what I’m lookin’ for. Maybe I will when I see it, just like you said. I don’t like this.”
“Like what? Feeling helpless?”
They smiled at one another. Smiles of pain. Smiles of recognition. Twin grins beaming bright.
“Nana, you my soulmate, you know that?” Nadia giggled.
“…And you’re my favorite granddaughter from your mama. Keep that to yourself though.” The old woman brought her finger to her mouth in a shushing motion. “Wouldn’t want none of my other grandbabies gettin’ jealous.”
“I’m your only granddaughter from my mama! Nana, you so silly! Goodness, I love you!”
They had a good laugh at that, while a bird chirped in a nearby tree. She must have her babies in there.
“I’m figuring some stuff out, Nana. I feel like I’m learnin’ about myself at a rapid rate. I still don’t know what to do with the information, but I’m learnin’ it anyhow.”
“Well, what clues do you have? Maybe I can help you out.” Nana winked at her.
Nadia felt warm within, as if she were being hugged from the inside out.
“Work. I like the money. I’ve saved up a lot. Financial insecurity scares me, and I never want to have to depend on anyone else to make it.” I learned that from my mama. Not everything with her was bad. “I don’t like work as much all of a sudden, though.”
Nana shook her head. “Naw. It ain’t all of a sudden. I don’t believe that.”
“You don’t believe me? I’m not lying though.”
“I know you aren’t lyin’. That’s not it. It may feel like you just woke up and felt this way, but it ain’t. It’s been building. I know, because I know you.” Nana pointed a finger at her. “You been chewin’ on this meat for a minute now. I am curious though what got the ball rolling.”