Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 80014 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 400(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 267(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80014 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 400(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 267(@300wpm)
But he was long gone. Of course he was. He’d probably left hours ago.
I pushed my hair out of my eyes and yelled, “What the fuck, Jack?”
13
Jack
The pre-dawn sky was just beginning to turn pink as I let the big convertible roll down the driveway and out into the street. I ran back into the garage and entered the alarm code, which I’d noted when we first arrived. Then I hurried to the Cadillac, shut the garage door with the remote, and started the engine.
I drove out to the main road and made it about a mile before I started freaking out. It was so bad that I had to pull over, for fear of driving into a ditch.
Part of me wanted to go back, right the hell now. Adriano was a sound sleeper, and he probably had no idea I’d taken off. I could tear up the note and climb back into bed. He’d never know.
But then there was that other part of me, the one that had kept me up all night, worrying—about getting too attached to Adriano, about making myself vulnerable, about setting myself up to get not just hurt, but devastated if he didn’t want me the way I wanted him.
Whenever I really wanted something, it always ended in disappointment. In fact, most of my life was nothing more than one let-down after another. Over the years, they’d chipped away at me, until my thick skin was worn down to nothing more than the flimsiest veneer. I acted like I was strong and tough, but in reality I was fragile and terrified of getting hurt.
I took a few deep breaths before pulling back onto the empty stretch of road. Okay, so it had been cowardly to leave like this, but I’d been too scared to be up front with him and talk about my fears. I’d only end up admitting how hard I was falling for him.
And then what? There was no way he’d want me. Right now, he was distracted and stressed out from this situation with Greco, and he was probably reaching out to me just because I was there. That had to be the explanation.
Once his life returned to normal, he’d wonder what the hell I was doing in it. He’d remember the way I’d betrayed him on the night we met, and he’d realize he couldn’t be in a relationship with someone so untrustworthy.
Either that, or he’d just realize I wasn’t good enough for him, plain and simple. And then where would I be? How could I pick up the pieces after something like that?
It was all too much to think about, so I tried to just concentrate on driving.
When I got back into town, I drove down the Strip with its surreal landscape—past a fake Egyptian pyramid and its huge Sphynx, a castle, a pretend New York skyline with its own Statue of Liberty, a mock Eiffel Tower, a pirate ship—all of it as out of place here as I was.
It was so quiet. There were still people gambling inside those giant casinos, unsure if it was night or day, but out here there was almost no one. The only vehicles on the road were a street sweeper, a cab, and me in this giant boat of a convertible. At least the Caddy looked right at home.
When I ran out of casinos, I turned around and started making my way back up the Strip. After a while, I randomly pulled into the driveway for Caesar’s Palace, with its fake coliseum and towering, flashing billboard. But instead of heading to the valet station, I pulled into the labyrinth of underground self-parking, found a space, and cut the engine. Then I climbed into the back seat and curled into a ball.
I felt nauseous, and exhausted, and like I really wanted to cry. I hated this part of myself—the part that got scared so easily and ran like a startled bunny when I thought I might get hurt. I’d worked hard over the years to make myself into a survivor, someone so much tougher than this. But it was all an illusion.
I ended up falling asleep, waking abruptly when a noisy group of revelers hurried past on their way to the casino. I sat up and scrubbed my palms over my face before taking my phone from my pocket and turning it on. I’d decided to power it down before I left Reno’s house. If he decided to call and yell at me, I really wasn’t up for it.
When the screen lit up, I saw it was almost ten a.m. I also saw I had fifteen calls from the same unknown number starting around nine, and one voice mail. Obviously Adriano had gotten my number from his brother.
Might as well get it over with. I played the voice mail and was surprised by the tenderness in Adriano’s voice. He said, “I don’t know what made you run off, Jack. I also don’t know what time you left or how far you’ve gotten, but please come back. Let’s not wait until we’re both in San Francisco to talk this out. I’ll be at my mom’s bar starting at about ten a.m. She was tired, so I’m doing her lunch set-up for her. Anyway…please just come talk to me. I really care about you, and I need you here with me so we can fix whatever’s wrong.”