Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 72897 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 364(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72897 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 364(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
“I did,” I said. “I need you. In my bed. Tonight.”
He shook his head. “No. That’s something completely different.”
“We’re obviously attracted to each other,” I said, hating the begging tone in my voice. “Why not have sex before you disappear forever? You know it would be good. You know we both want it. You do want it, right?”
He looked away. “Of course I want to have sex with you,” he said quietly.
“So we can do it. No strings attached. I promise you.”
I wanted there to be strings attached. I wanted to take him back to my bed every single night, preferably forever. But I knew we couldn’t have that.
Sex was all I had to offer.
“Terrace View Road,” I repeated. “It’s an offshoot of Frostmonte Way. It’s how all of the delivery vans come to the back of the castle. It should be easy to get you in—”
“You want to sneak me in like I’m a service person?”
“I want you in my bed tonight,” I said quickly, as the Ferris wheel ride began to slow and people at the bottom started to get off.
“I want that too,” Henry said. “But I don’t want to be anyone’s dirty secret. It isn’t how I live my life.”
He was right. My life had become a parade of endless secrets, small and large alike.
“I’m not trying to make you one of my secrets,” I said. “Never. I just need to be next to you tonight.”
“Fuck,” he whispered under his breath. I felt like he was watching me as if I was a poisonous snake he had to step carefully around. “I knew we shouldn’t have kissed. I’m an idiot. I couldn’t stop myself.”
“I’m glad you didn’t stop yourself.”
“It was supposed to be just a kiss.”
“If you don’t want more, you just have to say the word,” I said.
“Of course I want it,” he said, shaking his head. “I want to believe you.”
“I’m going to do everything in my power to never hurt you again,” I said. “So please believe me.”
He was silent for what felt like years. My heart started to pound as I realized we were nearing the bottom of the Ferris wheel, and we’d have to get off soon. Right when I thought I would explode, he finally spoke.
“I don’t,” he finally said, his voice barely audible.
“What?” I whispered.
He swallowed, and I watched as his eyes cast down and then back up at me again, so full of pain. Like he was trying not to cry. Or maybe like he couldn’t cry, even though he badly needed to.
“I don’t think I do believe you, Sebastian.”
My heart cratered inside me.
He had no reason to. I couldn’t blame him, and I couldn’t disagree. I wasn’t trustworthy. Not to him, not anymore.
I felt like I was under murky water. Henry was quiet for the next few minutes as we got off the Ferris wheel, his lips tight. The others surrounded us again, Emma and Xavier and Genoveve chatting happily about how beautiful it was on top of the wheel, while Henry and I remained silent.
Henry said his quiet goodbyes soon after. And then he barely looked at me before he walked away.
7
Henry
“I’m starting with the yards,” I said, grabbing the cheap coffee mug in front of me and loading the dark liquid with cream and sugar. “I’m going to sand and stain the fences. Repair the hole at the left side of the backyard. Tons of weeding to do, of course. And then I can get started on painting the exterior trim, and replacing the gutters. I should probably also start on the guest bathroom, the pink wallpaper needs to go—”
Tracy reached over from the opposite side of the small diner booth, gripping my forearm. “Honey. Relax.”
I took a deep breath.
Tracy and I had only been in the Berrydale Diner for about three minutes, and already I was steamrolling the conversation, going on and on about my plans to fix up Mom’s house. It was past one-thirty in the afternoon, and most of the lunch crowd was gone. An elderly couple was sitting in another one of the blue fake leather booths, across the way, and a group of kids was dominating the corner by the windows.
But other than that, it was just me and Tracy and the waiters in here.
I realized I’d been bouncing my knee beneath the table, and I pressed my shoe to the ground, trying to force myself to stop.
“Sorry,” I said. “I’m just trying to stay focused. On the renovation.”
“Is that why you’re out to lunch with me instead of any of your actual friends?”
“You’re my friend,” I protested.
She gave me a half smile. “I was your mom’s divorce lawyer twenty years ago, and I was your estate lawyer recently.”
“Yeah,” I said feebly.
“I am glad you think of me as a friend, Henry.”