Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 140462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 702(@200wpm)___ 562(@250wpm)___ 468(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 140462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 702(@200wpm)___ 562(@250wpm)___ 468(@300wpm)
I think back to all the ways Sylvan brushed me off in the past hour, and as I watch him turn the mask in his hands, I finally voice my question. “Is there a problem? Between us? You’ve been all strange since we fucked. Hope you’re not planning to get rid of me now that I found this for you. I’ve been close to death so many times, I’m not just letting anyone bleed me out, even you,” I add, laughing despite not feeling amused at all.
I hate uncertainty. I hate rejection. And most of all, I hate feeling disposable.
What if I was being naive again? What if he wrapped me around his finger because he needs me to make the Dark Companion vow? He did say I have to “mean it” for the magic to work.
Sylvan puts the mask on the bed, then meets my gaze and grabs my hand. He has such dainty fingers my toes curl at their touch. “I would never do that. I’m sorry you felt neglected. I’m not… I’m not used to being open with my thoughts, so I tend to mull over them myself when something bothers me.”
I exhale and sit on the mattress, pulling him straight into my lap, because this boy cannot resist being in my arms like this, and I know it. Just seeing his cheeks flush makes me a bit calmer. “But what changed? I want to give you what you need, but I can’t do that if I don’t know what’s wrong,” I insist before stroking the side of his ass. “Are you sore? Is that it?”
I see him blushing right before he hides his face against my neck, ear twitching against my chin. “No! I mean… a little, but that’s not it. I worked out why your shadow was open to bonding when we first met.” He takes a deep breath. “The dream you described was not actually a dream. You’ve been in the River of Souls and made it out alive. You met my sister. And it’s not your fault she’s no longer with us. Any soul trapped in the current will fight to escape, which is why attempting to find one’s Dark Companion in its waters is extremely dangerous. In her hubris, she decided to reach for the most potent shadow she could find. But then you drowned her,” he finishes grimly. “Was it destiny? For you to find me after that?”
I lean back as if he’s slapped me with an icy hand. Air escapes my lungs as I take him in, shocked by this revelation and unsure what to say. No wonder he doesn’t know what to do about me after finding out that the guy who just rearranged his insides is at fault for the death of his sibling. I’m not close with my own family, but in his shoes, I would be upset as fuck.
“Shit, I’m… so sorry.”
“I’ve been grappling with it for over an hour and getting nowhere.” When Sylvan wraps his arms around my neck, I feel needed again. “I can’t decide how I feel. If I’m secretly glad she never got you, does that make me a terrible person? But what bothers me most of all is that I thought that for once I achieved something on my own. Now I found out that my sister primed you for this bond? It’s hard to stomach.”
Air gets trapped in my throat as I shake my head. “Were you two… not close?” I ask, even though I’ve already seen how unwilling he is to accept assistance. The thing I truly care about though is that he values my presence more than hers.
“I told you my family was a den of vipers, but that hardly scratches the surface. All my siblings were cruel to me, but Elodie? She found a way to fuck me over even in death. If it wasn’t for her diaries, I would have never been banished. No one would have been able to prove my involvement in the assassination attempt. She hid them in shadows that dispersed when she died. Un-fucking-believable.” Sylvan takes a deep breath that tickles my neck. “But even when we fought behind closed doors, us Goldweeds stuck together. I supported my older brother in his attempts for the throne because I hoped then I’d have a sliver of their respect.”
I swallow, focusing on the mature, somber expression settling on Sylvan’s face. He had the elongated ears and unusually pretty features all this time, but it is only now that I sense how different he is from any other man I’ve known. “Why didn’t they respect you? You were their sibling.”
"I'm not well liked, Hawk. My family values power, and I don’t have it. It's only fair you know that before you vow your shadow to me.” He makes a little whimper that prompts me to stroke his hair, my own frustrations forgotten. “I’m no master of confrontation, I’m an awful duelist, terrible at flirting, shorter than most elven ladies, and my shadow is so frail that sometimes I wished it gone altogether. So I turned to books and alchemy in an attempt to make up for the lack in all other matters. I hoped that if I could prove myself useful, that if I could fight the monster of Grief Ocean, or invent an ingenious weapon, I’d finally be worth something.”