Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 86706 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86706 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
She rubbed her hands along her arms. “Sure.”
It had been a while since Emily and I were alone in a private place. The mood shifted now that it was just us. We sat across from each other in the living room.
“That was some kiss between you and Atticus…”
I chuckled. “It was, wasn’t it?”
“I was totally prepared to kiss him, you know. You didn’t have to do that.”
I felt my insides ignite all over again. “You were, were you?”
“Yeah. I always kind of wondered what it would be like…”
My stomach dropped. Is she kidding? She kept a straight face, so I had to be sure. “Seriously?”
“No.” Emily burst into laughter. “I just like watching your ears turn red.”
“I was not about to let either one of those assholes kiss you.” If I can’t kiss you, they sure as fuck can’t.
“It was strangely hot, though, you and him. Kind of wish I’d recorded it. Could you imagine how many women would die to see that? Pretty sure you’d break the Internet.”
“Maybe I can use that if my voice gets worse and I need a distraction down the line.”
She kicked her feet up on the couch. “What has been going on with your voice? You haven’t really talked about it.”
“I know. I’ve been trying not to think about it while I’m here.”
“We don’t have to talk about it, then.”
“No. I should.” I exhaled. “I want to talk about it. With you, anyway. You’ve always had a way of making me want to talk.” I settled myself on the opposite side of the couch, keeping a distance. “Before I came out here, I stopped in to see the specialist in L.A. He told me one of the polyps had actually gotten a lot bigger. I’ve tried to ignore it, but I found myself struggling a little again in the studio.”
Her lips pressed together. “I’m sorry.”
“The doctor suggested I do the surgery sooner rather than later. But I’m still really confused about it.”
“The risk of permanent damage is small,” she said.
“How do you know that?”
“I’ve been reading up on it ever since you told me.”
I sucked in a breath. “You think I should do it?”
“I think you should take some time to think about it once you leave here, and then you should follow your instincts. If you allow yourself enough quiet time, your intuition will tell you what to do. If this is going to continue to plague you, surgery is something you should consider.”
“And what if it fucks up my voice, and I can’t sing anymore?”
“Don’t even think about that. What we focus on becomes more of a reality. Just think positively and believe you’re gonna be okay.”
“Now you sound like Ronan.” I chuckled.
“If you lose your voice, you can always come back to Shady Hills and hide out. There’s even a McDonald’s you can go to and eat your burger at closing time.” She winked.
“Ah, yes.” I smiled.
“That’s the dream, isn’t it?”
“What’s your dream, Emily? Besides the bunny-in-a-basket one I botched.”
“Bertha’s the dream I never knew I had.” She laughed. “I don’t really have a dream right now.”
“Sure, you do. You must. If you could do anything you wanted, without anything holding you back, what would you do?”
“You mean, if I had a million dollars sitting in my mother’s bank account that some crazy man left for me? Which I still have no intention of spending.”
“Doesn’t have to cost money. Just something you dream about doing.”
She stared up at the ceiling. “I feel like I’m supposed to have an answer to that question, but I don’t. What I want isn’t tangible. The only thing I really want is a true sense of peace. Jobs and adventures don’t matter as much if you have lingering dread or guilt inside you. I don’t feel peace here in Shady Hills. But at the same time, I don’t know where to go. I feel lost.”
“Peace isn’t a place,” I said. “It’s a state of being. You need to live in the present. We all do. Hanging on to the past is as futile as worrying about an imagined future.” I patted the couch. “Like here, right now? I’m exactly where I want to be. Sitting here in this quiet house, talking to you. Not on a surgery table like my imagination would have me go. And not in the past, performing on some stage while my son was being rocked to sleep by someone who wasn’t me.” I paused. That one’s tough to swallow. “But neither of those situations exists right now. The future is fear, and the past is regret. The only peace we have is now.”
“I think you’re the one turning into Ronan.”
“Yeah, maybe he’s been rubbing off on me.”
“It’s true, though. You’re right. This right now, here with you…is pretty nice.”
“I think that’s why I’ve always liked being around you,” I said. “Because my mind never wanders. It doesn’t want to.”