Total pages in book: 217
Estimated words: 207224 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1036(@200wpm)___ 829(@250wpm)___ 691(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 207224 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1036(@200wpm)___ 829(@250wpm)___ 691(@300wpm)
He looks past me as he pulls on his cigarette, the air around him a light smog. “Don’t blame yourself.”
I shake my head, sighing. “Where’s he gone?”
“Gym.”
To stand on his head. My guilt becomes unbearable seeing James in my mind’s eye vertical, his eyes closed, his body solid and straight. Trying to find his calm.
My cell rings, and I inhale as I drop my eyes to the screen. I shouldn’t take it. Danny’s right, Ollie isn’t the only way. But the pull, the promise of distraction, the long-lost instinct being tempted out of hiding? I need to resist it. I look up at Danny, finding him observing me closely. I reject the call, looking past him when Rose appears.
“You look better,” I say, assessing my friend more closely.
“You don’t,” she counters, wandering over. Danny tucks her into his side the moment she’s close enough. “Have you spoken to him?”
“No.”
“So is anyone going to tell me why you were in on a meeting?” She looks up at Danny with narrowed eyes, while he rolls his.
“It doesn’t matter.” I turn my cell in my hand. “It was apparently a waste of everyone’s time and won’t be happening again.”
“We’re going out,” Danny says to Rose, taking one last puff of his smoke and dropping it into an ashtray.
“We are? Where?” she asks, as he drops a kiss on her forehead and wanders back into their room.
“To visit Pops,” he calls back. “Or the empty fucking hole where he once was. Oh, and Beau?” He comes back to the door. “For the record, I think your way is the only way if we’re going to meet the Mexican’s deadline.”
He leaves and Rose faces me. “What is he talking about?”
I bring my hands to my face and press into my eye sockets, so fucking tired. “I offered to help with the gun delivery.”
“Help how?”
“Tow a line of loaded jet skis through Coast Guard infested waters.”
She laughs and then stops abruptly. “Your ring,” she blurts, seizing my hand and staring down at it.
“I changed my mind.”
“Why?”
“I—” I don’t know how to answer that. Maybe to appease James. Show him I do love him. It can stay there until you see the light. Maybe because it’s simply the right thing to do—be his constant light. Except . . . I’m not. “How are you feeling?” I ask instead, stumped. “You’ll be lucky if Danny doesn’t glue you to a bed made of cotton wool.”
“I’m fine. Are you going to talk to Ollie?”
“What do you think?”
“I think you know you shouldn’t, but you won’t be able to help yourself.” Leaning over, she kisses my cheek. “Just try to see things from James’s perspective. I’ll see you later.” That’s exactly what Danny said. They’re either in sync or it’s the universe telling me I need to consider their words. Taking my hand, she squeezes and backs away, letting our joined hands stretch out between us until she’s too far away and I lose my grip.
I go back to my room, slipping out of my gym wear and putting on some denim shorts and a shirt before I track down James. Reassure him. Tell him I’m sorry. For making him doubt my love, for stupidly doubting his. For holding it against him for needing to keep me safe. Try to see things from James's perspective. Danny and Rose are right. I can’t do this to him, not even for my father. James has been a rock, determined to drag me from the darkness. Dad seemed determined to send me further into it.
I tie my hair up, grab my cell, go to the door, and freeze when it rings in my hand, my eyes on the wood before me, not wanting to look down. Fucking hell. I pull open the door, finding Fury on the other side. He looks down at my ringing cell.
“Are you gonna take that?” he asks.
I don’t answer, my face screwing up, and I reverse my steps, shutting the door on Fury, the temptation too much. “Ollie,” I answer, clipped and short, starting to walk circles around our room.
“Beau. How are you?”
“My dad’s dead. My mom’s remains have been taken.” Civilities out of the way. He’s lucky I’m not ripping into him about setting Beth on James. “What happened?”
“We should meet.”
I stop still, staring at my bare feet on the plush carpet. “Meet?” I parrot like a fool.
“I can’t talk over the phone.”
I frown, taking the few steps needed to get me to the bed and dropping to my ass on the edge. “What’s going on, Ollie?”
“Meet me, Beau.”
My imagination has gone into overdrive, my cop senses buzzing. But I don’t press more. I know how this works. “Fine, okay, I’ll meet you.” I have not one fucking clue how I’m going to manage that when James practically has me tracked twenty-four/seven. “When?”