Total pages in book: 127
Estimated words: 122219 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 611(@200wpm)___ 489(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 122219 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 611(@200wpm)___ 489(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
As she let him go, she had enough wisdom in her not to try a hug with me.
“See you at the wedding, Avery!” she sang before hurrying to her car and driving away.
I stood on the porch quietly with Wesley, unable to find the exact words to express my anger.
“How far in the doghouse am I?” he asked. I narrowed my eyes at him and gave no response before I headed inside, only to hear him say, “That far in, huh?”
Wesley slept in our guest room, which was for the best. I didn’t sleep much at all, but somewhere between the few hours of rest I did receive, Wesley placed a note beside my bed that said, “I’m sorry for yesterday. Took an Uber to pick up my car. Let me make it up to you tonight by cooking you dinner. Love you.”
I read the note a few times before I sighed and fell back against my pillow.
The pressure was back, resting heavily against my chest as I lay in my bed. I wondered if anyone else in the world ever struggled the way I did with getting out of bed some mornings. It was as if every inch of them was kidnapped by an invisible source, which made it impossible to move as the judgmental voices in their heads grew louder and louder with every passing second.
That Saturday marked two weeks until my wedding.
Two weeks until forever.
And I couldn’t move.
Get up, Avery.
My alarm went off over an hour ago. I needed to get up because I had to get to work, but I couldn’t move.
The thought of making it through another day felt extra heavy that morning. I didn’t know why. I never knew why my brain would allow itself to spiral to dark places the way it did. Sure, I had issues, but they weren’t big issues. Not in the way that others suffered. Some people had illnesses. Others had trauma. I simply couldn’t muster up the mental energy to pull myself away from my sheets.
It was as if a gravitational pull was tethering me to the bed with invisible strings.
Get up, Avery.
I shut my eyes as a few tears rolled down my face. The voices in my head condemning me were much louder than those in my head that fought for my strength.
I bet Drew gets up each morning easily.
She’s so light and fluffy and easy to get along with.
I bet she never has bad days.
Why can’t you be like her? Wesley laughs more with her than he has ever laughed with you.
My mind played tricks on me, and I couldn’t believe I let those thoughts overtake me. I wasn’t a jealous woman. Still, my heart hurt knowing that my wedding was in two weeks, and for the first time ever, I felt unstable in my relationship.
Get up, Avery.
Wesley had been consistent for years. That was why we worked. We weren’t overly emotional and lovey-dovey, but we had a mutual respect for one another, which seemed good enough for me. That was until he threw that mutual respect for me out the window when it came to Drew.
He took her to dinner.
When was the last time he took you to dinner, Avery? Did you see how he laughed when he climbed out of her car? He would never laugh with you like that. You’re not funny like her.
Also, you made Nathan feel like crap. He wasn’t even being rude. What’s the matter with you? Why are you always so angry? This is why people don’t like you, outside of your family.
You’d be alone forever if Wesley didn’t pity you.
The sunbeams spread through the windows as I stayed in bed. I did not have time for this. I didn’t have time to fall apart. It was Saturday, and the team was having a late afternoon practice. I still had so much work to do over at my office. People were counting on me. The guys would show up to the field and expect me to be their head coach. Still, the thought of facing another day, of going through the motions in a world that felt so vibrantly alive while I felt so irrationally tired inside, felt overwhelming.
I wish I could be better.
I wish I was nicer.
Still, something kept me from breaking down this hardened exterior that seemed to keep people at a distance. Including my own fiancé. I didn’t even know Wesley could look as vibrant as he had with Drew, which broke my heart slightly. I didn’t know he could reach such a level of…joy.
9
NATHAN
Easton
Hey. I’m not feeling great today. Can you cover for me at the butcher shop?
Istared at the message from my brother on Saturday morning as I stood in the horse stables, brushing Lightning, my favorite animal on the farm. I’d heard a little flu was going around the farm, and I was doing my best to avoid getting it. The last thing I needed was to be down for a few days when there was so much work to do.