Total pages in book: 159
Estimated words: 149470 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 747(@200wpm)___ 598(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 149470 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 747(@200wpm)___ 598(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
Finally, the two dogs separated but it was unclear if we were going to go on with the ceremony or not. After all, the bride had just cheated on her husband with the best man in front of the whole wedding party. What else could possibly go wrong?
I got my answer just a moment later when Prissy lifted her tail and made the most amazing mess of doggy diarrhea I had ever seen. And let me tell you, since coming to work for my Great Aunt, I had seen a lot.
Too late, I remembered the groomer at Pawfectionist saying she thought maybe Prissy had eaten something that upset her stomach.
Oh no—maybe I should have said something! I thought.
But really, I doubted my Aunt would have called off the wedding even if I had passed this information on to her. She’d been planning it for months and everyone on the guest list had already RSVPed. She wouldn’t have wanted to reschedule Princess Prissy’s “big day” for a bit of tummy trouble.
Well—maybe it was more than “a bit.” You wouldn’t believe such a little dog could make such a big mess, but Prissy certainly did. The poop went all over the back of her expensive gown—some rolling down the train and some falling through the tail hole to the expensive antique Persian carpet below.
“Oh, no!” Aunt Maizy wailed, when she saw that Prissy was doing. “Princess Prissy, how could you? First naughty humpies before you’re even married and now this! And on your big day, too!”
But my crying Aunt couldn’t stop Prissy. I tried to catch the little dog—though I really didn’t want to—but she dodged away from me, trailing the long white dress and spreading the mess all over the carpet. Have you seen that YouTube video where the dog poops on the carpet and then the Rumba vacuum cleaner drives over it and smears it everywhere? Yeah—it was like that but worse.
The whole room was in an uproar at this point—people were getting up from their places and holding their noses, their dogs were barking and the male ones were anxious to get to Princess Prissy, so many of the owners were yanking on their leashes. The little dogs were all yipping like crazy and the big ones were baying and howling. You would have thought ten thousand UPS drivers had all showed up at the front door at the same time!
Still, I tried to catch Princess Prissy. She was scampering around and around the room, spreading her shameful misdeed all over the carpet as she dragged the expensive—and by this time thoroughly be-shitted Vera Wang wedding dress—behind her.
Finally someone stamped down on the train of the dress, bringing her up short with a slightly strangled “Yip!” At that moment, I was able to grab her—though you’d better believe I held her at arm’s length and was careful not to touch the disgusting dress.
“I’ve got her!” I called to my Great Aunt, who was sobbing hysterically by now. “I’ll just take her to the restroom to clean her up!”
I don’t know if Great Aunt Maizy heard me or not. But I carried Prissy out of the Blue Room, down the hall, and into one of the many guest bathrooms in my Aunt’s mini mansion.
Luckily, there was a bathtub in the one I chose. Closing the door behind me, I put Prissy in the tub, which thankfully had very high sides so she couldn’t jump out.
I was just wondering how to get the dress off her without getting dog crap all over myself, when I heard the strangest noise right behind me—it sounded like someone was playing a fanfare on the trumpet.
I frowned—what the hell? Was there a musician somewhere around here? But hadn’t Great Aunt Maizy hired a string quartet? That wouldn’t include a trumpet player—would it?
Turning, I saw a very surprising sight—something weird was going on with the mirror mounted over the bathroom sink.
Forgetting about the stinky, yapping dog in the tub for a moment, I took a step towards it, frowning at what I saw. It was like a swirling kaleidoscope of colors, whirling around and around hypnotically. And then the trumpet fanfare played again.
“What the Hell?” I muttered as Prissy yapped behind me. Had my Aunt had some weird computer screen installed in the mirror for some reason? It sounded like something she would do—she spent money like it was water.
And then the swirling disappeared and a face was looking back at me—which is generally what you expect when you look in the mirror. Only you expect to see your own face—and this was someone completely different.
The person I was looking at was male—that much was certain. But he wasn’t human—not at all.
He had gray skin like marble with a slight purple under-tint to it and thick black hair that was cut short except for the sideburns, which came down in two sharp points on either side of his face. He had high cheekbones, a knife blade of a nose, and a thin but sensual mouth.