Total pages in book: 57
Estimated words: 55048 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 275(@200wpm)___ 220(@250wpm)___ 183(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55048 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 275(@200wpm)___ 220(@250wpm)___ 183(@300wpm)
“You know how I feel about hockey.”
“Based on what happened to me, which I don’t get. You’re being way too literal. The game will never be one-hundred-percent safe, but neither will driving to the grocery store or flying somewhere for vacation.”
I missed Ford. It had only been two days, and I missed his texts asking me how my day was going or telling me about something funny he’d seen.
“If you could go back in time, would you still play hockey?” I asked Luke.
“Yeah, I would. I know it sounds crazy, but hockey is part of who I am. I always heard about how bad head injuries could be, but it felt like something abstract that would never affect me. I’d still play, but I’d take the head injuries more seriously. I wouldn’t be the first guy to hit the other team every time.”
I shook my head, my mind already moving on to something else. “What happened with John was really hard on me.”
“John? You mean your last boyfriend? That douchebag with the earring?”
I nodded. “I never really told you how awful things got at the end. He was talking about marriage after just a few months, and about how he’d never want a prenup. Which was funny because he didn’t have anything.”
My brother nodded knowingly. “He wanted into the family for the money.”
“He wanted it more than anything. He became obsessed with it. And when I broke up with him, he refused to accept it.”
“Shit, I’m sorry.”
“I’ve never admitted this to anyone, but it got so bad that I told Gram and she hired a couple of security guys to tail me. He finally left me alone after they got up in his face a few times.”
Luke slurped a noodle into his mouth, grinning sheepishly. “Sorry. But what’s this have to do with Ford? He’s nothing like that. He’s got his own money.”
“I know, which makes my neurotic mind sure there’s something else wrong with him. It’s hard to explain, but it’s hard for me to just be happy. I’m always questioning it and wondering how long it will last.”
“Why do you think that is?”
I shrugged. “I guess it’s just how I’m made.”
“That’s…no.” He set the takeout container on the coffee table and stood up. “I’m having an epiphany here. We’re both afraid to try hard things because we’re worried about failing. For me it’s rehab and for you it’s Ford.”
I wasn’t afraid of falling for Ford…was I? I just had a feeling he wouldn’t stay hot for his uptight, next-door neighbor indefinitely, and then I’d end up with a broken heart.
My heart pounded with the realization.
“Are you right?” I asked Luke. “I’m thinking about it now, and…”
“And saying it’s about hockey is a nice, clean cop-out without admitting it’s about your own fears and insecurities.”
I locked eyes with him. “Just like you saying rehab won’t work is about your fears and insecurities because what if it does work? What then?”
“Holy shit, this is heavy,” he said. “I need to move. Can we go for a walk?”
“It’s cold and dark.”
He blew out a breath. “Too bad. I feel an anxiety attack coming on.”
I got up from the couch. “Are you okay?”
He nodded. “I just…need you to go for a walk with me.”
“Of course.”
I picked up the remote and glanced at the screen before turning it off. The score was 2–2. I’d planned on watching the entire game, but Luke needed me and that was more important.
By the time I’d changed into warm sweats, a hoodie, a stocking cap, and tennis shoes, he was already out front, pacing up and down the sidewalk.
“What’s going on with you?” I asked.
Was this because he wanted a fix? I’d jump on top of him and hold him down to keep him from getting drugs if I could, but given our size differential, that was unlikely to work.
“I need to tell you something,” he said.
I looked at him silently, waiting. He stared at me for a few seconds.
“Let’s walk,” he said, taking off down the sidewalk toward the paved path that ran around the lake.
I ran to catch up with him. “What do you need to tell me?”
“It’s just…give me a second.”
He ran a hand through his hair as he sped ahead, forcing me into a light jog. I’d never seen Luke like this, and I was getting concerned.
There was a bench alongside the path we were walking on, lit by warm light from the tall streetlights surrounding the path.
“Let’s sit,” Luke said.
I joined him on the bench, not mentioning that we’d been sitting inside where it was warm just a few minutes ago. Luke looked behind him and from side to side, and my heart raced with worry.
Was he hearing voices? Thinking people were following him? He already struggled enough as it was.
“Whatever it is, it’s okay,” I said, taking his hand. “I love you no matter what. Remember how Mom used to always say that to us?”