Total pages in book: 57
Estimated words: 55048 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 275(@200wpm)___ 220(@250wpm)___ 183(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55048 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 275(@200wpm)___ 220(@250wpm)___ 183(@300wpm)
I put his plate at the breakfast bar, getting out the butter and syrup.
“If you don’t need it, then it should be an easy four weeks,” I said, using a mild tone in hopes I wouldn’t upset him.
“Four weeks?” he laughed. “They want to send me to a ninety-day program. Some bullshit in Oregon with hiking and camping.”
“I’d take a ninety-day vacation to Montana.”
“A vacation where the doors are locked and you have shrinks psychoanalyzing you every day?”
I shrugged. “I need to get into therapy, honestly. I think it could help me with some things.”
He sighed heavily. “I know you’re trying to help me. I just…I guess I need to figure out what I want. I know what I don’t want.”
“Eat,” I said. “We can talk while you eat.”
He sat down and started on the pancakes while I poured myself another cup of coffee.
“So what don’t you want?” I asked.
A minute of silence passed as he considered. I hated to see him so anguished, but I knew he needed to dig deeper into his emotions in order to find his way.
“I don’t want to be a drug addict. It’s one thing to do a line of coke from time to time, but I found myself considering meth at one point when I was flat broke and I needed a fix. That scared me straight. Then I turned to betting, though.” He set his fork down, looking forlorn. “I knew who I was when I was younger. I was a hockey player, and I had a great family. Then the headaches started and I lost hockey. Mom died. Dad and Gram and Gramps don’t want anything to do with me. I don’t know who I am anymore. I guess I’m just…nothing.”
My heart broke for him. No one deserved to feel that way. I stood on the other side of the breakfast bar and met his gaze.
“You are not nothing, and this is exactly why I think rehab would be good for you. It’s not just about addictions, it’s about figuring out what really matters to you and where you want to be. You’re smart and funny and you can fix just about anything. You make people feel good when you’re around them. You have so many strengths, and the fact that you can’t see them is a huge problem.”
He nodded, his shoulders slumping. “I’ll think about it.”
I went back to the couch and picked up my book, not wanting to push him further. After he finished eating, he put his dishes in the dishwasher and sat down next to me.
“You know if you want me to go you can just say so, right?” he asked. “I’ll figure something out.”
I put my book down, my jaw dropping slightly. “I don’t want you to leave, Luke. I promise. That’s not what this is about. What I want is for you to go to rehab and work on your relationships with Gram and Gramps and Dad. I want us to be a family again. I want you to move back in with me when you finish rehab. I’m really happy having you here. I just don’t want you to feel…”
“Like a ship drifting in open water,” he finished for me. “No sails, no oars, just…floating.”
I put an arm around him, wishing I knew what to say.
“I miss hockey,” he said with a single note of sad laughter. “Isn’t that crazy? Being around Ford reminded me what it used to feel like to be part of a team, and I really miss that.”
“That’s not weird.”
He turned to study my expression. “He’s got a thing for you, you know. I think he only asked me to hang out so he could see you.”
I shook my head. “No, he told me he enjoyed it.”
My brother smiled. “Yeah, but he wanted to see you. I could tell from the way he looked at you and talked about you.”
“Well, I have to keep my distance from him.”
“Why?”
I cringed as I thought about the situation I’d gotten myself into. “Because I told my bosses there’s nothing between us.”
“Why did that come up?”
“Long story,” I said, shaking my head.
He stood up. “Go do something you want to do with your day off. Babysitting me isn’t going to change anything.”
“But”
“It doesn’t work unless I want it for myself,” he said. “You have to back off. If what I want is to go get wasted, you can’t quit your job so you can make sure I never leave the apartment.”
I wanted to respond defensively. To tell him how hard it was to be gone during the day and wonder if he was okay. Now that he was back in my life, my greatest hope was to find a way to save my brother. To put him on a good path and stand directly behind him, making sure he stayed on it.