Total pages in book: 184
Estimated words: 176002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 880(@200wpm)___ 704(@250wpm)___ 587(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 176002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 880(@200wpm)___ 704(@250wpm)___ 587(@300wpm)
I lean my head against the sofa cushion. “Seriously though, Josh. I didn’t expect this. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, or planning one. There wasn’t a void in my life I wanted to fill. If anything, it was the opposite. But you showed up and it was like fireworks went off. I don’t care if it makes me a stupid idiot. Jumping in the deep end is worth a shot with a guy like you. And this isn’t a rebound. The last thing I needed or expected was to fall for someone else so soon. I wasn’t aching for another soulmate to come along and sweep me off my feet.”
“Same goes. One hundred percent,” he says. “We’re on a parallel on a lot of levels here.”
“Are we?” I look at his hand on my knee. “So, this isn’t a rebound for you, either? I’m not a girl who’s come along to fill a void someone else left behind?”
“No,” he says. “You’re not. Like you, the last thing I expected was to be diving in the deep end again after things with Amy came crashing down, but here we are. Fireworks for me, too.”
I nod, letting the silence settle, and feel the memories of Connor drifting away.
“Guess it’s time for your turn now,” I say. “Tit for tat.”
“Right. Ok.” He takes a breath. “I was with Amy for two and a half years until last summer. I thought she was the greatest goddess in creation, and hung on her every word. She was already an entertainer when I met her, and she loved it as much as I did. We’d talk about every proposal, and even re-enact some of the scenes.” He sighs. “I would have put my life on the line for her, honestly. But then, like you said, things change. People change. Life changes. She started going out more. Started talking less. Stopped sharing all the details of her proposals.” He looks up at the ceiling, and I wonder if he’s hurting at the memories, like I was. “She would show me things on her phone, but wouldn’t just hand it over without a thought like she did before. She’d put it down when I walked into the room sometimes, and pretend she hadn’t been using it, and she’d be later home than she’d planned some nights, to the point I was getting worried, freaking out whether she was ok. I’d get so worried I’d pace across the apartment.” He points out a route from the kitchen island to the treadmill. “Back and forth, over and over, with my phone in my hand, waiting for her to message and tell me she was ok.”
I feel so shit for him.
“She was seeing someone else, right?”
“One of her clients, yes. She’s in Spain now, I believe. She upped and left with little more than a sorry. And it may hurt, and it may have torn me to pieces, but you know what? I’m glad she did it. Because like you, I’ve been learning the same thing. If she didn’t love me enough to value our relationship over a yacht, and a billion pounds in the bank, and hot bondage games with a guy who paid to have sex with her, then she isn’t the person I thought she was, or the person I want to be with. Like I said, I want a partnership, not an ego parade, and I think that’s what life became for her. The Amy Magpie show. I was just a character on the sidelines by the end.”
“A relationship with me definitely won’t be the Ella Holly show, I promise you that. I’m still learning that I have a show of my own. It would just be nice to be with someone who genuinely wants to share it with me.”
He smiles at me. “It will be nice to be with someone who genuinely wants to share it with you.”
I smile back at him. “Yeah, it will.”
“I’m all in, you know that?” he says. “I won’t be running off with someone who might give me a record deal.”
“Yeah. And I won’t be running off with a client who pays me for filthy sex. No matter if they have a yacht. A yacht can fuck off, it would never be worth a guy like you.”
“Are you sure about that? You are still a newbie. I know that proposals can be intense early on. I know fantasies can be hard to leave behind when the timer reaches the end of a session.”
I don’t break the stare.
“I’m very sure. And even if I did fancy a guy with a yacht, or got caught up in the fantasies of proposals, or whatever shit could come from the sidelines, I wouldn’t ever disrespect someone by doing what Connor did to me. Not a chance in hell.”