Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 132512 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 663(@200wpm)___ 530(@250wpm)___ 442(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 132512 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 663(@200wpm)___ 530(@250wpm)___ 442(@300wpm)
Cole. The flaw in Ned’s plan.
He took a deep breath and rose, too numb to think straight anymore. The mission he’d taken on seven years back, all his suffering had been for nothing.
“It’s cold. Let’s go inside.”
Chapter 12
The water filling the tub halfway was steaming hot, yet Cole’s body still refused to warm up. He kept scooping some with a ladle and pouring it over his head and arms, but it was no use. Even his toes, which remained constantly submerged, were like a set of icicles. Was that how disappointment felt?
Perhaps he should be glad Tom had deserved what he’d gotten in the end. Maybe all the other men who’d traveled with the gang had earned their spots on the gallows or in jail? He should be happy that he’d gotten away with the things he’d done, but a part of him thought that maybe life would have been fairer if Lars had left him to die in Beaver Springs—the past buried forever and no longer painful.
Ned hadn’t looked him in the eye since his confession, even though the tub was so small their legs entwined in the middle and their feet rested against the warm sides. He’d watch the fire, sometimes leave and come back with a fresh pot of hot water, but stayed silent, leaving them with the sound of crackling fire and the wind howling outside.
Ned had scrubbed Lars’s blood off the floor earlier, but the stain had seeped into wood already and haunted Cole. Dog rested next to it, whimpering from time to time, as if he were mourning a lost friend, and each time he made the damn sound, it tore at Cole’s heart.
“I understand why you had to kill him,” Cole said eventually, pushing the words out of his throat by force, because his mind accepted it while his heart still remembered the stabbing pain of hearing about Tom’s death.
Ned ran his fingers over Cole’s knee. “I didn’t intend to. I wanted to bring him to the law, but I… I guess I’ve changed along the way.”
Cole stared at the long yet thick fingers touching him. They’d fucked only hours back, but the gesture seemed so alien now. Cole didn’t do that kind of thing anymore. He didn’t hug or cuddle. He rarely kissed for any reason other than foreplay. He’d lost his desire for tenderness the day Ned had duped him.
“I really trusted you back then. In all things,” Cole said, lowering his face to gaze at their limbs rather than at Ned’s face. Shame was a collar around his neck, and each breath he took of the warm, damp air reminded him that he’d hunted Ned down, only to protect him by killing Lars. Then, even with his hands around the bastard’s throat, Cole had been unable to end Ned. So much life wasted on a worthless pursuit.
Ned rubbed his bruised neck. “I meant it. What I said at the gallows. I never loved anyone but you. For you, Tom was like a father. I realized you wouldn’t let me hurt him when I saw how much it pained you to hear of Scotch’s death.”
“You didn’t trust me,” Cole said and lifted his gaze to meet Ned’s. He understood why, of course. Cole had been loyal. He’d killed for the rules and hadn’t ratted out his gang when his own life had been on the line. Ned had every reason to question where Cole’s loyalty lay, and Cole himself didn’t know what he’d have done if he’d found out about Ned’s plans. But the fact that Ned had done it all behind his back remained a splinter in his heart. Like a wound that might not have killed him but wouldn’t heal.
Regardless of the rationale behind Ned’s desire for revenge, he’d betrayed Cole in the process.
Ned dipped his fingers underwater, trailing them down Cole’s shin. “I saw what you did to Adam Wild. I thought that if we slipped out together, I could have it all. You, my revenge, the ocean. Then it all went to shit. I don’t even know if Zeb is dead or alive.”
Cole understood all that. He realized Ned had his reasons, and that he was motivated by a personal vendetta rather than greed, which made his actions somehow easier to swallow. But understanding didn’t equal forgiveness, and even though Ned’s touch was hotter than the bath water, he didn’t want to get any closer.
He was still bleeding on the inside, and it didn’t matter that Ned had become remorseful since they parted. What had happened between them wasn’t just a misunderstanding. A lot of time had passed, and Cole had become a different person, permanently altered by the rage he’d been harboring. He was always on the lookout for betrayal, always expecting the worst from people. It was a hard way to live, but one that had kept him sane and safe over the years.