Total pages in book: 185
Estimated words: 172387 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 862(@200wpm)___ 690(@250wpm)___ 575(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 172387 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 862(@200wpm)___ 690(@250wpm)___ 575(@300wpm)
Last night like every other night we’d stayed up late talking into the wee hours until I nodded off. We’d long grown into the habit of not hanging up but leaving the lines open because let’s face it, there was no one else either of us wanted or needed to hear from that was more important.
So every morning, because his first class was a little before mine, he’d be the one waking me up, my own personal alarm clock. I rolled over sleepily and looked at his face on the screen, my heart squeezing the way it always does with that first look.
He looks so different now, so grown up; a far cry from the boy who’d left here years ago. Even when I saw him last Xmas when he’d shown me the tattoo of my name over his heart, there was still a little bit of my Todd in him.
But in the last year, in fact the last few months, something has changed. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Sure he’s grown taller, his features more mature than the teenage boy who came to my rescue in the schoolyard; but that wasn’t it.
“What is it baby? Why are you staring at me like that?” Because you’re so beautiful it hurts. I didn’t say the words out loud, didn’t voice my sudden fear that someone who looked like him won’t want to spend another year without a real girlfriend.
He’s in college for crap sake, where I’m sure there’re tons of girls just waiting in the wings. He’d had his share of admirers when he lived here and was just a boy. I can only imagine… I had to cut my thoughts off when I felt stupid tears in my eyes.
“Caitlin, what’s going on? You hurting? It’s not…”
“No-no, I’m okay.” I cut him off as my face turned red. He was about to say it wasn’t time for my period. I’m amazed at the fact the he knows my cycle so well, and not for any perverse reasons.
It so happens that one of the times we were talking years ago, I’d been in so much pain and trying to hide it, but he noticed and wouldn’t let up until I told him the truth.
Ever since then he’s kept note of when my cycle is due and even though he’s not here, he still finds ways to make my discomfort more bearable. Every month just days before I’m due he sends me a box of Godiva chocolate in the mail. Or sometimes I get a whole care package with a new teddy bear to add to my collection. Something else that makes daddy nuts.
No wonder I’m afraid of losing him, where will I ever find another guy like him? Someone who knows me so well? Someone who cares for me the way my dad does mom.
“You’re not okay, there’re tears in your eyes baby.” They started to fall and I wiped them as my heart broke with my thoughts.
“Caitlin, do you know what it does to me when you cry and I’m not there to hold you?” I sniffled and tried to pull myself together. Acting like a baby is a sure way to lose him, but sometimes I can’t help myself. Life is so unfair.
“There’s nothing in this world that should make you cry. You’re beautiful, smart, and you’re loved. I love you, your family loves you and I know you’re well taken care of even if I’m not there and you know I’ll be with you soon.”
I nodded at all his points and acknowledged that he was right because I wasn’t willing to bring up my fears again for the one-hundredth time. See, right there, that way he looked at me right then, it’s like the boy is disappearing more and more and this ‘man’ whom I’ve never met in the flesh has taken his place.
He’s still my Todd, we haven’t missed a day talking to each other in all the time he’s been gone. His attitude towards me hasn’t changed any that I can tell, but I know my Todd. When I saw the pained look on his face as more tears fell from my own eyes I pulled myself together.
“Okay, you have a good day and ace those tests.” He had finals and only last night had told me he’d be done with school weeks ahead of me. He was planning to come home this summer, to stay in his parents’ house, which had been rented out after they moved away.
It was one of the things I was looking forward to the most. That, and maybe giving him the good news that I would be joining him at Wharton a year early like we hope.
Although he had a head start, I’ve been taking their online courses to keep up, which would allow us to graduate together in a couple of years or close to it. It’s the work around I’d come up with when daddy put the brakes on me going away last year and seemed to be working out just fine.