Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 117010 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 585(@200wpm)___ 468(@250wpm)___ 390(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 117010 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 585(@200wpm)___ 468(@250wpm)___ 390(@300wpm)
As to the other player, the only one left now that Becky was gone, he’s going to have his day in court in a few months. But for now, while he’s in the local jail, he’s being made to remember his part in that shit show as well. His cell mate’s family is being taken care of very nicely while he torments Felix with daily reminders of what a shit dad he’d been.
I think the thing that gets to him most is the constant reminder that he’d failed his precious wife, who was probably suffering as she looked down from above at the mess he’d made of her child’s life. I’d put those words into the convict’s mouth, of course, and he’d been coached very well on what to say. The guards were also doing their best to make sure he never forgets.
I never claimed to be a saint. I think I’ve gone above and beyond to acknowledge and admit the fact that I’m a monster, that I have monster DNA in my blood. Asking me to give a shit about any of them at this point is futile. I’m not one to feel sorry for the wicked just because they seem contrite. These fuckers are only sorry when they’re caught. Fuck…them.
I heard movement and was ready to flatten someone when I caught sight of her hair. Dammit! Didn’t I ask Lance to keep an eye on her? I’m avoiding you, sweetheart, because I’m not ready to let go. But since you’re here….
GABRIEL
Her face didn’t look like my Gianna’s when she approached me. There was a hard look in her eyes as she came to a stop in front of me. “Are you avoiding me? Have I done something wrong?” That look didn’t last; it just disappeared like smoke, which tells me she was trying to be brave. She’d most likely picked up on my change in mood these past few days and was protecting herself.
That made me feel disgusted with myself because I’d been trying so hard not to give anything away so that she could enjoy her time away. On the other hand, she’s giving me the perfect opening. I hadn’t planned out my words to her in my head like most would’ve done in my shoes. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, so for the first time in my life, I wasn’t prepared.
“There’s something….” I stopped and took a deep breath. There isn’t much I can tell her to soften the blow that is sure to come, so I decided to go with the truth or as much of it as I was willing to share. “There’re some things that I need to do, things you can’t be a part of….”
“Are you breaking up with me?” She sounded breathless and hurt and I never in a million years thought this was going to hurt me so bad. But I can’t stop now; I just got to rip the Band-Aid off one time. “I want you; I think I’ll always want you, but I can't have you. I want better for you.” Better than this life of blood and violence. Saying those words were hard, but the next ones out of my mouth were going to be devastating.
“Here's the thing, if you're going to have any kind of life, you can't do it around here; you have to leave. I can't see you with a husband and kids; I just can't do it. So, leave with your family, don't look back. If I ever see you again, I'll take you plain and simple, and it won’t be like this. I won’t be like this.”
My gut was tying itself in knots, and there was a burning sensation that ran from my navel to my heart like I’d just gutted myself.
“No, Gabriel, please don’t...” The tears, I can’t handle the tears, and for some reason, I got very irate at her for using them now. She won’t understand that there was literally nothing I could do about this situation, nothing that won’t put her in danger. I didn’t want to be harsh with her, didn’t want our last conversation to deteriorate into something awful. But I also knew that sometimes you must be harsh to get your point across.
“You think this is easy for me; it's tearing my guts the fuck out, but I love you too much to bring you into this. I wish it were different….”
“Into what? What’re you talking about? Does this have something to do with you finding your grandpa?” She’s still not getting it, fuck. I don’t want her even thinking about the mess I’m about to dive into; I don’t want her close to this in any way, shape, or form.
“It doesn’t matter what it’s about; all that matters is that we can’t be together. I’m sorry if you were looking for something more, but now that your life is back on track, you don’t need me. Just leave, like I said. Go to Virginia, live your life.” Be happy; please be happy. I almost buckled in front of her but held it back. Any show of weakness and I’d lose this chance, and after this, I’m one hundred percent sure I won’t be able to do this again. It hurts too damn much.