Total pages in book: 51
Estimated words: 48271 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 241(@200wpm)___ 193(@250wpm)___ 161(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 48271 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 241(@200wpm)___ 193(@250wpm)___ 161(@300wpm)
Her tongue flicks out, nervously wetting her lips. “The clinic I’ve been seeing had a cancellation, and I took the slot.”
Every muscle in my body locks up tight, including my breath. “When?” I croak, barely managing that one word.
She hesitates, her silence unbearable.
“When, Ellie?” I growl, my tone rough.
She straightens, finding her resolve. “Friday.”
“Friday!” I roar, my voice reaching a level I never knew I had. “Are you fucking insane? No! Absolutely not. I forbid this.”
She jerks back, eyes wide. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. You’re not doing this.”
She lunges from her chair, jabbing a finger into my chest. “You listen to me, Gunnar Brooks. No one tells me what I can or can’t do, and that includes you.”
I meet that challenge head-on. “Wrong, sweetheart. You need me for this, and I say no.”
Her eyes blaze as she glares up at me from beneath the brim of my cap. “You’re the one who’s wrong, sweetheart. I already have a donor lined up. I’m here because I want to be, not because I have to be.”
That revelation punches me in the gut, making me feel as though I might get sick. “What are you doing, Elle? Why are you rushing into this?”
“I’m not. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.” Her expression softens along with her voice. “I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this and exploring all of my options. I’ve always wanted children, you know that. It might not be the way I planned for it to happen, but sometimes life throws us curve balls, you know that better than anyone.”
My jaw hardens, hating that she brings my past into this.
“I’m ready for this, Gunnar,” she continues, pressing further. “Ready to bring a child into this world to love and share my life with. I’m tired of being alone.”
“You are not alone,” I fire back. “You have me, and you damn well know it.”
“It’s not the same,” she chokes out, adding salt to the wound. “You’re not at my house when I come home every night. Or there in the morning when I wake up. It’s lonely.”
“Then get a dog,” I snap. “Hell, borrow Bear for a while if you want, he’ll keep you company.”
Woof. He barks at the sound of his name.
“You don’t have a kid because you’re bored.”
She flinches as if I just struck her, but the blow is nothing compared to what I feel at the sight of tears forming in her eyes.
Shit.
She shakes her head. “Never mind. You don’t get it.” Swiping her bag off my desk, she heads for the door.
“What the hell did you think was going to happen, Elle?” I ask, following behind her. “That you would spring this shit on me, and I’d be all for it? Because if you did, then you really don’t know me after all these years.”
She spins back around and the tears that were glistening in her eyes now track down her cheeks, sucker-punching me right in the heart.
“No, I didn’t, but I thought you might consider it, and I figured if you didn’t then you would at least be happy for me. That you would support me because that’s what best friends do, but maybe you’re right and I don’t know you. Maybe I never did.”
Without another word, she opens the door and runs out, leaving the echo of her sobs in her wake.
“Fuck!” Slamming the door shut, I collapse into my chair, feeling the world crumbling around me, leaving me within its ruins.
Gunnar
Hours later, I sit in the grim silence of my office, paralyzed by a torrent of unwanted emotions. Too many to name, until one eventually overpowers them all …
Guilt.
It eats away at me as I stare at the potted arrangement on my desk. One that has no pink flowers in it because like usual, Ellie was thinking about someone else other than herself.
The absence of color mocks me, proving what an amazing person she is and what a piece of shit I am.
Bear’s soft whine penetrates my self-loathing. Looking over, I find him watching me, his disappointment evident. “I know. I fucked up.”
I still don’t understand how it got so out of hand. All I know is I felt too many emotions in that moment. Emotions I am not supposed to feel, especially when it comes to Ellie.
A light rap on the door pulls me from my thoughts just before Ryland enters. “All closed up for the night.”
I nod my thanks, feeling bad I left it for him to deal with, even if it was for the best.
Instead of leaving me to wallow in my own misery, he walks further inside and takes the chair across from me—the one Ellie sat in as we ate the food she brought, the one she smiled at me from as she wore my hat, which looks better on her than it does on me. The chair she always sits in when she comes to eat lunch with me because she doesn’t like to eat alone.