Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 60933 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 305(@200wpm)___ 244(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 60933 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 305(@200wpm)___ 244(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
Thanks, Universe. Sometimes a girl just needs reminding.
CHAPTER NINE
ASA
The gang was all here, yet I stood outside on the back porch with a beer in my hand looking into the darkness. I had managed to focus on what was being said inside for almost an hour, and I needed a moment to myself to let my conversation with Ezmita sink in. It wasn’t like I hadn’t known she had taken the job as a history teacher. Nash had told me earlier today.
For some reason, hearing she’d gotten a house made it seem more final. She was really going to move back here and live. Her life was going to be in Lawton. Which led me to face the fact that Ezmita Ramos living in Lawton did affect my decision. I didn’t want it to, but it was going to, and I could feel it.
“Are you hiding or out here thinking about the new history teacher?” Nash asked, and I glanced over my shoulder to see Nash had joined me on the porch. I hadn’t even heard him open the back door.
“Neither. Both,” I replied.
He laughed and walked over to sit down on one of the chairs beside me. “Hell, at least sit down if you’re gonna sit out here and ponder shit,” Nash said and waved a hand at the chair beside him.
I decided he was right and sat down beside him.
“Why are you out here?” I asked him. It was his house and his party.
He sighed. “I needed a moment too.”
He didn’t have to say that being with everyone reminded him of Tallulah. I understood. She had been a part of our group and her not being here now seemed odd. For him it had to be painful. I knew he still loved her, and I was beginning to think he always would.
“She got a house. Ezmita. She got her own place today,” I told him.
“Hmm,” he replied and took a drink. “Guess she wants to be here.”
But did I?
We sat in silence with nothing but the sound of the occasional car going down the road and the muffled voices and laughter inside the house. Nash had wanted to be here too. This was his home. It was where he wanted to be. He had made that choice.
“Do you regret it?” I asked him, then realized I needed to be clear. He couldn’t read my thoughts. “Staying here and not going to Chicago.”
Nash turned his head to look at me. “Every damn day,” he replied. “Every motherfucking time I take a breath.”
I winced. I knew he still loved Tallulah, but I had thought he’d found a way to get on with his life. “It’s been a year now. Hasn’t it gotten easier?”
Nash took another drink from the bottle in his hand. Then he let out a hard laugh. “No. It hasn’t.” I thought he was done talking, but then he sighed and looked at me. “I was given a choice. I chose what I thought I wanted. This town, my job, security… not once realizing that without her none of this fucking mattered. I chose wrong. Don’t do the same thing I did.”
Our situations weren’t the same, or at least I kept telling myself that. However, I’d had only had that summer with Ezmita but she had stayed with me long after I had left here. “I never wanted to come back here,” I said, although Nash already knew this.
“Five years might have gone by quickly, but we all changed. You aren’t the same angry kid who left here,” he replied as if that answered all my questions.
“You’re right. I’m not the same kid who left, so why the hell does the same girl affect me?” I asked him because even though I didn’t expect Nash to have my answer he was the only person I felt like I could talk to about it.
He shrugged. “You love her.”
I laughed this time. “Love is a strong word, my friend.”
“Trust me, I know that better than anyone,” he replied.
The door behind us slid open. “You two hiding?” Ryker asked as he walked out onto the porch.
“We were. You fucking found us, though,” Nash replied dryly. Although the two were cousins, they had always seemed like brothers to me. I think we all viewed them that way.
Ryker walked over to the railing and leaned against it to face the two of us. “This about the coaching position or the new history teacher?” Ryker asked.
I sighed and rolled my eyes. Did everyone in this town know my business?
“Both. They’re one and the same these days,” Nash told him.
I shot him an accusatory glare. He shrugged. “What? Don’t look at me. This is Lawton. Folks talk. Hell, I would bet every neighbor I got is discussing the new history teacher over dinner tonight or wondering if you’ll take the coaching position or not.”