Total pages in book: 56
Estimated words: 52553 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 263(@200wpm)___ 210(@250wpm)___ 175(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 52553 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 263(@200wpm)___ 210(@250wpm)___ 175(@300wpm)
“Two months?” I blink. “Wait, how long has it been that day you taught me how to swim?”
He pauses and gives me a look. “I’m not sure. Well over a month, I think.”
I go cold. Over a month. A month of adventures that have been uninterrupted by my cycle. That means. . . Oh no. “Thane.”
He must hear the fear in my voice, because he stops our descent. “What’s wrong?”
I don’t want to ask. I don’t want to pop the bubble of happiness around us. Surely if I just close my eyes and pretend I don’t know how to count, reality will kindly step away and let me continue to exist in this space.
Yeah, right.
Still, coward that I am, I close my eyes. “I should have had my period. God, I can’t believe I didn’t realize.” I feel like the biggest fool, but I’ve never been all that good at tracking my cycle. Usually there’s a moment where I’m sure everyone hates me and I hate myself, my body, and everyone breathing who’s near me, and then a couple days later, my period starts, just like clockwork. “But that can’t be right. Ramanu said something about magical birth control.”
“There is a pendant that the bargainers use. I didn’t think to ask for one.”
A pendant. Not a tattoo. Oh god. I open my eyes to find Thane staring at me. I didn’t realize how open he’s become around me until now, when he’s completely closed off. His sigh shudders out. “We’ll discuss it when we get home.”
Home.
Funny, but the tower has started to feel a bit like home. Or, if not the tower itself, then Thane’s room at least. Somehow I don’t feel like that will be the case after this monumental mistake.
It was only a matter of time. I should have known it was coming. Nothing good lasts forever, especially when I’m involved. I always manage to shine a light on just how much of a fuckup I am. Thane may care about me, but surely this will be the last straw for the camel’s back of his patience.
We reach the surface and slip beneath it. It’s almost a relief that we can’t talk like this. I know Thane and the rest of the kraken can communicate underwater, but though he’s tried to teach me a bit, a good portion of that communication is body language using tentacles, which I don’t have. I think that’s why the translation tattoo doesn’t recognize it enough to work.
The return trip to the tower seems to take no time at all. Thane surfaces in his room—what’s become our room—and sets me carefully on the rock ledge. His hands linger on my hips, but he seems to put some distance between us.
Of course he does.
Later, that will hurt. Maybe. Probably. Right now, the full clusterfuck of this situation is hitting me. I press a hand to my chest. It feels like I can’t breathe, but I’m breathing. Funny how my brain can’t quite comprehend that. “I can’t have a baby, Thane. I can’t.”
“Okay.”
I barely hear him. “You don’t know what it was like growing up with my mom. I can recognize that she was a monster in her own way now, but there’s some damage I just can’t undo no matter how hard I try. If I have a baby, I’ll just be passing on that generational trauma.”
“Catalina—”
“I can’t.”
“Lina, look at me.” He catches me gently by my shoulders. “Generational trauma does not make you more or less worthy of being a parent.” He tightens his grip slightly. “But if you don’t want children, no one is going to make you have a baby.”
“But the contract—”
“Fuck the contract.” He pauses and seems to try to temper his tone. “This is your choice, and if Azazel or anyone else thinks they can force your hand, I’ll kill them.”
I blink, my panic skidding off the rails. “You can’t just murder someone on my behalf.”
“I promised to keep you safe.”
“But . . .” Why am I arguing? I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. “But if you have a baby with a human, that will benefit your territory.”
“Fuck my territory.” His hands tighten briefly on my shoulders again. “You are not a pawn, Lina. You’re not a womb to be utilized or a body to be used for others’ benefits. You are a person, and you get to choose what you want.”
He’s saying all the right things. Why does it hurt so much? “You’ll resent me no matter what I do.”
He shakes his head slowly. “No. I never intended to have children, but if you are with child and want to keep it, I will celebrate with you. If you are pregnant and don’t wish to be, I will go to Ramanu and discuss our options. My people have ways of dealing with such circumstances, but you’re human, and I won’t give you anything that might harm you.”