Total pages in book: 131
Estimated words: 145402 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 727(@200wpm)___ 582(@250wpm)___ 485(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145402 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 727(@200wpm)___ 582(@250wpm)___ 485(@300wpm)
"Get out or stay here," Andrew said. "Those are your only choices."
Running wasn't an option, he meant. Andrew knew why Neil had called him. "I'll stay."
Andrew got out and slammed the door behind him. Neil watched him disappear through the front doors in search of a sales rep, then closed his eyes and fell asleep again. When he woke there was a metallic black beast parked alongside the rental car. Neil wasn't any smarter about cars now than he'd been at the start of the year, but every curve of this one screamed expensive. Neil assumed Andrew did with this purchase what he'd done with the last: simply looked for whichever car would burn through his budget the fastest. It was a perplexing quirk for a man who claimed to have no attachments to his material possessions.
Andrew opened the back door and looked across the backseat at Neil. "Kevin?"
Neil scrubbed the sleep out of his eyes and undid his buckle. "Let him ride with you. I have nothing to say to him."
Andrew shut the door again, and Neil moved up to the driver's seat. Andrew pulled out of the lot first and Neil followed him to the interstate. They stopped at a gas station with a fast food joint attached. Neil wasn't hungry, but he filled the largest available cup with coffee while they ate. He sat in the adjacent booth to sip on it and stare into space. Kevin glanced at him occasionally as they ate but said nothing, likely attributing his odd mood to yesterday's fiasco. Andrew gazed out the floor-to-ceiling windows at his new car.
The ride back felt shorter than the ride out to Georgia had been, even though they had to pass Palmetto State and drop the rental car off in Greenville. The rep checked the car for new damage, turned the engine on long enough to see how much gas was in the tank, and had Andrew sign off on a couple forms. Then there was nothing to do but return to campus. Neil thought he'd been away long enough to be okay, but the first sight of Fox Tower out the window left him feeling tired.
They took the stairs up, and Neil didn't stop at the third landing. The soft tap of footsteps said Andrew was following him, but the hall door banged closed as Kevin headed for his room. Andrew caught up with Neil when Neil stopped to fight the rooftop access door. He had two cigarettes out and lit before they were even outside. Neil took his and carried it to the front end of the roof. He sat as close to the edge as he could get, hoping that jolt of fear would distract him from his dire thoughts, and looked out at the sprawling campus.
Andrew sat beside him and held something up. Neil looked, but it took a minute before he understood what Andrew was offering him. The dealership had given him two keys for his new ride, and Andrew was giving the second one to Neil. When Neil took too long to take it from him, Andrew dropped it on the concrete between them.
"A man can only have so many issues," Andrew said. "It is just a key."
"You're a foster child. You know it isn't," Neil said. He didn't pick the key up but pressed two fingers to it, learning the shape and feel of this newest gift. "I've always had enough cash to live comfortably, but all the decent places ask too many questions. There are background checks and credit checks and references, things I can't provide on my own without leaving too much of a trail. I squatted in Millport. Before that I stayed in decrepit weekly hotels or broke into people's cars or found places that were happy being paid under the table.
"It's always been 'go'," Neil said. He turned his hand palm-up and traced a key into his skin with his fingertip. He'd toyed with Andrew's house key so many times he knew every dip and ridge by heart. "It's always been 'lie' and 'hide' and 'disappear'. I've never belonged anywhere or had the right to call anything my own. But Coach gave me keys to the court, and you told me to stay. You gave me a key and called it home." Neil clenched his hand, imagining the bite of metal against his palm, and lifted his gaze to Andrew's face. "I haven't had a home since my parents died."
Andrew dug a finger in Neil's cheek and forcibly turned his head away. "Don't look at me like that. I am not your answer, and you sure as fuck aren't mine."
"I'm not looking for an answer. I just want—"
Neil gestured helplessly, unable to finish that plea. He didn't know what he wanted; he didn't know what he needed. The past twenty-four hours had kicked his feet out from under him and Neil still couldn't find his footing. He didn't know how to make that ache go away or how to silence the voice whispering "Unfair" in his ears.
"I'm tired of being nothing," Neil said.
Neil had seen this look on Andrew's face once before, when he and Andrew called a truce in Wymack's living room last summer. Neil fed him half-truths to buy his acceptance, but it wasn't vague descriptions of his parents' crimes and deaths that got through to Andrew. It was his bone-deep jealousy of Kevin, his loneliness and desperation. After everything they'd been through these last few months, Neil finally knew what this look meant. The darkness in Andrew's stare wasn't censure; it was perfect understanding. Andrew had hit this point years ago and broken. Neil was hanging on by a fraying thread and grabbing at anything he could to stay afloat.
"You are a Fox. You are always going to be nothing." Andrew stubbed his cigarette out. "I hate you."
"Nine percent of the time you don't."
"Nine percent of the time I don't want to kill you. I always hate you."
"Every time you say that I believe you a little less."