Total pages in book: 131
Estimated words: 145402 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 727(@200wpm)___ 582(@250wpm)___ 485(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145402 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 727(@200wpm)___ 582(@250wpm)___ 485(@300wpm)
"I don't consider this to be a waste of time, but I apologize that it's cutting into your time on the court." She gave him a couple moments to answer, then said, "Happy New Year, by the way. I forgot to say it. How were your holidays?"
There was the question he'd expected and dreaded. He didn't know what his teammates had told her. He wouldn't tell her the truth, but if he lied about it and they'd already told her, she'd start questioning everything else he'd said to this point. Neil juggled the possible consequences and decided to go for it. He was only required to see Betsy once a semester after all; this was the last time he'd have to sit down with her face-to-face. She could think what she liked of him.
"They were fine," Neil said.
"Does it ever snow in Arizona?"
"Now and then. They consider an inch and a half to be a major snowstorm."
"Oh my," Betsy said. "I remember when we had a dusting a few years back. I passed a young woman on my way across campus. She was on her phone; she'd called someone just to tell them it was snowing here. She was so excited over such a paltry amount I wondered if she'd ever seen it before. I wanted to ask her where she was from, but it seemed intrusive."
There wasn't a question there, so Neil said nothing. Betsy said nothing either but sipped at her cocoa. Neil resisted the urge to look at the clock. He didn't want to know how little time had passed.
"Won't you talk to me?" Betsy finally prompted.
"What do you want me to say?" Neil said.
"Anything," Betsy said. "This is your time."
"Anything?" Neil said. When she gave an encouraging nod, Neil proceeded to tell her about the UT games he'd been watching. It was completely impersonal and definitely not at all what she'd been hoping for, but she didn't interrupt and didn't have the good grace to look bored. She drank her cocoa and listened like it was the most important story she'd heard all day. Somehow it made Neil like her even less, but he didn't stop.
Finally he was free to go. He cleared out of there, collected Aaron from the waiting room, and headed to the car. They were halfway to the stadium before Aaron spoke up.
"I didn't tell her."
They were the only two in the car, but it took Neil a moment to realize he was being addressed. He glanced over at Aaron, but Aaron was gazing out the passenger window.
"Neither did I," Neil said.
"She asked you about Andrew."
It wasn't a question, but Neil said, "Yes. You too?"
"She doesn't ask me anything anymore," Aaron said. "She knows there's no point. I haven't ever said a word to her."
Neil imagined sitting in stony silence while Betsy chattered away about this and that. It was at once inspiring and unsettling. He didn't know if he could stomach a half-hour of that. "I wish I'd thought of that. I gave her a rundown of UT's merits instead."
"Predictable," Aaron said.
Neil wondered how Andrew killed time. While on his medication he'd been forced to have weekly sessions with Betsy. Neil didn't know if that would continue. He was more interested in how Andrew's view of Betsy was going to change. Andrew seemed oddly tolerant of her last year, to the point he'd admitted to getting texts from her outside of their sessions. Euphoric drugs probably made anyone easier to tolerate, though.
Neil stole the same parking spot he'd found the car in. He went back to his spot on the couch and Aaron continued to the locker room to get back into his court gear. Neil tried not to resent his good health and almost succeeded. The UT match was a good distraction from unwarranted irritation, but Neil lost track of the game when Renee and Allison passed through a couple minutes later. Neil watched their progress across the room, thought twice about it, then paused the game.
"Renee?"
They both stopped, but Allison didn't stick around for long. When she left Renee came and sat with Neil, close enough to offer silent comfort but far enough Neil could breathe.
"What did I say yesterday?" Neil asked her. "Why did you react like that?"
It didn't take her long to remember. "About the knives, you mean." When Neil nodded, she turned her hands over and considered her palms. "You remember I told you I used to be in a gang? There was a man there who went out of his way to hurt me. He liked knives and kept a half-dozen on him at all times. I couldn't defend myself by normal means, so I learned to fight with knives, too. I practiced for a year before I finally bested him.
"'Bested'." Renee contemplated the word choice for a few moments before saying, "He didn't survive the fight. Boss helped stage the body so we could pin it on a rival gang and I was promoted. I kept the knives through my trial and my adoption. I wanted to remember what darkness I'm capable of—and what darkness I'm capable of surviving."
"You did what you had to do," Neil said. "If he lived he would have come back for you."
"I know," Renee said, soft. "There were other girls before I caught his eye; there would be girls after I left. But I didn't do it for the greater good. I did it because he wronged me personally and I didn't want to be afraid of him anymore. I regret what it did to me more than I regret the necessity of his death. I felt no horror when I watched him die. I was proud of what I'd done to him.
"I told Andrew what I did," Renee said. "The next day while I was at class he broke into my room and took my knives. When I asked for them back, he said I was lying to myself. If I wanted to remember, I wouldn't hide the knives in my closet like a shameful secret I couldn't revisit or let go of. They weren't doing me any good, so he said he would carry them until I needed them again.