Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 78007 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 390(@200wpm)___ 312(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78007 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 390(@200wpm)___ 312(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
“No,” Mom says softly. “You’re kind…and good to other people…and don’t realize how incredible you are, just like you said about your Theo. You’re also clearly in love, and I’m jealous I haven’t gotten to meet him yet. You haven’t told him?”
“No.” I clear my throat, rub the back of my neck, push to my feet to pace my room, anything to keep me busy, to distract me from all the feelings bubbling and growing inside me. “I’m scared…”
“Oh, Perry. Love is scary for all of us. Giving your heart to someone is never easy. They’re fragile organs but so damn strong too, and the only way to feel it really blossom, is to risk it. You can’t hold yourself back your whole life because of fear. Believe me, I spent a long time doing that because of your father. I wasted so much time, and I can’t handle the thought of you doing the same.”
I collapse in the desk chair, now feeling like my legs don’t have the strength to hold me up. My right one bounces. I put my hand on it to try and stop it, but it doesn’t work.
“What if he realizes he doesn’t want me? What if no one will ever really want me?” My voice breaks with the vulnerability of my question, of how I’m cutting myself open for Mom to see all my fears.
“You’re lovable. You’re so damn lovable and worthy, and I’m so sorry you feel like you’re not. Your dad was wrong, not being in your life, but that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. It’s your choice if you ever forgive him or not. I won’t push you on it, but he does love you, Perry. Getting older has a way of making us see all the ways we screwed up, of showing us what’s really important.”
My eyes sting, and I don’t stop the tears as they sneak down my face. I want to be loved by him. I hate that, but I do. It doesn’t matter that I’m twenty-two. I want to know what it’s like to have a dad. I want to go to lunch with him and Ty, the three of us laughing. I want to torture Theo with being around him the way Ty does with Brax.
“What if I meet him and he doesn’t like me?”
“Impossible. But if he does fuck up again, that will still be on him, not you. It’s his loss. You’re the best man I know, and whatever the future holds, we’ll get through it together like we always have. And now you also have Ty to lean on…and Theo.”
I smile. God, I can’t believe I’m smiling at just the mention of his name. “I really love him, Mom.”
“Oh, baby. I’m so damn happy for you. Look at us, falling in love at the same time. We need to get these significant others of ours together.”
I raise a brow. “Love, huh? I know you like her, but love?”
“God yes. It’s ridiculous, really.” Mom giggles.
“Theo and I are totally ridiculous too. And…well…hopefully he feels the same about me.”
“There’s no way he won’t love you.”
“Says my mom,” I say dramatically, before sobering. “I think I want to go into tech. Regardless of what happens with Ty’s—I mean, Dad. I love it, and I’m good at it. I’m tired of fighting the things that make me feel good.”
“Then we’ll figure out how to make that happen—with or without your father.”
“I’ve been helping Theo study. It makes me wish I went to school.”
“Then that’s what you’ll do.”
I let out a deep breath, one that feels like maybe it’s been trapped in my lungs my whole life. “Thank you.”
“Anything for my boy,” Mom says, and I hear the tears in her voice. “Now, tell me more about your Theo.”
So I do, ramble on and on, all the things I like about him and how he didn’t realize I was hitting on him—while leaving out the part where I thought we were going to have a one-and-done hookup. When I tell her more about school and how things stick better in his head when I read to him, Mom asks, “Has he had his eyes checked?”
I shrug. “I’m not sure. I assume so.” A memory surfaces. “Wait. He did say he used to have glasses for close up, but they didn’t help.”
“That same thing happened to Sam’s daughter. They didn’t notice it at the regular eye doctor. They thought she needed glasses, but that wasn’t the case. Then she went to a specialist and discovered she had something called convergence insufficiency. It’s where your eyes don’t track left to right, line by line, the way they’re supposed to. They might skip words or lines and you get mixed up. So she’s been doing vision therapy, which helps train the eyes to track correctly.”