Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 78007 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 390(@200wpm)___ 312(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78007 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 390(@200wpm)___ 312(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
All this chaos in my head is why I haven’t seen Perry. Because he’s not an idiot. He knows I was going to kiss him, and he knows I freaked out afterward. Until I sort through all the confusion, I don’t know how to be around him.
But I miss him. That sounds silly since I’ve known the guy for five minutes and we talk every day. Because while we don’t see each other, we’re still texting—all day, every day, to the point that even I know it’s a little overboard. I’ve never messaged with someone so much in my life, but if he goes too long without talking to me, I wonder what he’s doing, can’t help but reach out and see.
I push my schoolbooks away, roll over in my bed, and grab my phone. I’m supposed to be studying, but all I’ve been doing is lying here and obsessing over Perry.
I scroll through our texts.
Knight in Shining Armor: Are you studying?
I smirk because no, I’m not, and I wasn’t two days ago when he asked me either.
Knight in Shining Armor: What is the most vivid memory from your past?
Me: I don’t know.
Knight in Shining Armor: Come on, you have to know.
Me: But I don’t.
Knight in Shining Armor: Fine, but I’m going to ask you again one day, and I expect an answer.
Me: Deal. What’s yours?
Knight in Shining Armor: The day I found out who my dad is and that he’s known where I was my whole life.
My stomach had dropped when I’d seen that text. That was a real answer, and a sad one. I hadn’t expected Perry to be so honest with me, and I was still surprised by that.
I scan my response again.
Me: Do you want to tell me about it?
Knight in Shining Armor: I can’t. Gotta go to work. Don’t miss me too much.
Perry doesn’t like to talk about important things. I mean, he does when it comes to me because he asks questions like he had about vivid memories. No one has ever asked me stuff like that before, but any time something gets too close about himself, he shuts it down.
I…want his secrets. Want him to trust me with them, and I want to help him feel better, which is kinda fucked if you think about it. But talking to him so much through messages, I feel like I know Perry in ways I don’t know many people.
He’s the guy who will ask me if I’m studying because he knows I should be.
He’s the guy who didn’t make me feel like shit for not realizing he was flirting with me.
He’s the guy who talks about his brother like he hung the moon even though I think Ty also makes him feel a little unworthy. Not on purpose, of course, but inside Perry.
He’s nice.
And I’m obsessed.
“Why am I like this?” I say into the empty room, look at my books and continue to ignore them, then open a new search on my phone and type in: how do I know if I’m bisexual?
What a dumb question. How can I not know?
All sorts of shit pops up, quizzes and articles, half of them I get partway through and don’t finish reading because it all gets a little cluttered in my head.
So instead, I text Perry. Everything else can wait.
Me: Hi.
Knight in Shining Armor: Hi.
Me: What are you doing?
Knight in Shining Armor: Studying for my test next week.
Wait? Studying? Oooh, he’s saying that’s what I should be doing. I grin. The asshole. But the grin immediately turns into a groan because I so don’t wanna.
Me: I’m trying. I really am, but it’s like…
I pause, unsure if I can finish that text, unsure if I can let him in this way. It’s not something any of my other friends know. Not something Whitney knows, or my parents, but sometimes it feels like it’s eating a hole through me—like I’m a leaf and it’s a bug that’s turning me into Swiss cheese.
Me: I get stressed and overwhelmed when it comes to school. I think about my parents and all the things they want for me, how hard they had to fight to help me be able to afford school, which is already a little harder on me than it is for most people, and then I just…clam up. It killed me to pass all my classes last year, and I don’t know if I have it in me to do it again.
My heart starts trying to break through my chest while I stare at my phone screen, waiting for a response. I jump when it rings instead, which just makes my pulse speed up even more. What is he doing? No one our age calls anyone.
“Hello?”
Perry chuckles. “Why did you sound so unsure when you said that?”
“Because I was worried you’d been kidnapped and the bad guys were calling me with ransom demands. Why else would someone call? Then I’d have to tell them I have no money and would they accept payment in Sour Patch Kids? I couldn’t save your life the way you did mine. I was expecting a disaster. I might have had to sell my body to earn the money or something.”