Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 84000 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84000 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
“You’re such a good man,” she says. “You deserve a woman who can give you what you want.”
I feel the vibrations from the beat of kettle drums in my chest, like a warning of impending danger. I don’t care what I deserve—I know what I want.
“I told you I’ll wait, and I’m happy to. But you asked me what I wanted.”
She looks over my shoulder at god-knows-what. Why doesn’t she just look at me?
Because she can’t.
Fuck.
“I don’t know how long I’ll feel like this, or if I’ll ever not feel like this,” she says, her gaze finally meeting mine.
“And I’ve said I’ll wait.”
“But you deserve your future, Worth. You deserve certainty.”
“We’ve been together weeks, Sophia. I’m not trying to force your hand. I’m not issuing any ultimatums. I’m doing the exact opposite. I’m telling you I’ll wait for as long as you need.”
She shakes her head. “That’s not fair. I want more for you.”
“More than you? You’re all I want.”
She presses the heels of her hands over her eyes. “This is going to get worse rather than better. I don’t know who I am if I’m not the daughter of a perfect couple from Cincinnati. I don’t know what that means for me. I have a nonexistent relationship with my father at the moment, and a tenuous one with my mother. I have shit to deal with. It’s shit that stinks. And stains.”
Before I can tell her that I can put up with it all, that I want to hold her hand through the whole thing, she continues.
“I have to do this myself. I know you’re going to say you’ll wait or help me through it…” She shakes her head. “But honestly, Worth, we’ve been together weeks, like you said, and if I’m going to commit the rest of my life to someone, I want to know that I’m with them because I want to build a life and a future. I want to feel sure that I want to create a family with them—all the things you said. And if I’m being honest with myself, at the moment, I’m worried I’d be with you because I was afraid to do this by myself.”
I sigh. She doesn’t have to do it by herself, doesn’t she see? Accepting support doesn’t make you weak—just gives you a soft place to land if you fall.
“I don’t want to be with you just because you’re great at helping people through difficult times.”
“That’s what partnership is,” I mutter. But it’s futile to argue—I can’t force her to stay when what she wants to do is leave.
“In the long run, you’re right. Partnership should mean helping each other through the lows and celebrating the highs. But we’re just starting out. I can’t offer you what you need at the moment.”
“So, that’s it?” I ask.
She stands. My legs are so weak, I’m not sure I’ll be able to get to my feet.
She eyes the papers on the table next to me. It’s like someone has stuck a knife into me and I’m waiting for my brain to receive the pain signals. My entire body goes numb. She pulls a pen from her purse and turns to the final page, where the signature blocks are located. “I can’t be with you when things are so undone. When my life is so… when I don’t know who I am. I’m sorry.”
She signs next to her name and pushes the pen back into her purse.
It feels like someone has ripped out my guts. I’ve lost any ability to move or speak.
I keep my gaze forward, not able to look her in the eye, concerned I’ll disintegrate if I do. What if I find indifference there? What if I find pity? I don’t think I’d recover.
“I’m going to go,” she whispers. “I’m really sorry, Worth.”
I don’t know if she says anything else, because I can’t hear it. Something inside me blocks the rest of the world out, Sophia included. Maybe it’s a survival instinct, or maybe this is what happens when you have your heart broken for the first time.
TWENTY-SEVEN
Worth
Thank god Monday night drinks have been switched to Friday. I need my friends. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt the need so acutely, but Sophia, and now the lack of her, has changed everything.
We’re all meeting at a private members’ club on East Sixtieth. It attracts the oldest of old money, which is why Jack is the only one of us who has a membership. This is the club we’ve all been coming to longest. The familiar wood-paneled walls are like a balm to my soul tonight. I need to be reassured that my foundations are still solid. For now.
I walk into the bar and see Bennett right away. To my surprise, Byron is sitting right next to him. I wasn’t expecting to see him tonight.