Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 94220 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 471(@200wpm)___ 377(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94220 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 471(@200wpm)___ 377(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
Zane grips the back of my head and pulls me in for another kiss.
I press my cum-filled hand against his waist and tug him close with the other.
I want to stay like this, lost in this moment, buried within him.
And as we pull away, catching our breath, I realize that for an instant, I forgot.
About all the bullshit.
All the pain.
The relief in Zane’s tone as he whispers, “Thank you,” assures me he did too.
That for even the briefest amount of time, we could escape it all and have this moment with each other.
We recover from the experience and wipe up before returning to bed. We curl up together, interlocking our legs, arms around each other for a few more kisses.
When we pull away, Zane strokes my arm gently. “That was exactly what I needed. Thank you for giving me that.”
“I should be thanking you.”
His gaze lowers to the sheets. “Leif, I need to tell you something.”
Between his body language and the way he says it, I’m sure this is what he’s been keeping from me since our chat with Wes.
“At the coffeehouse, when you were in the restroom, I headed to the front area by the register. I noticed someone leaving… I don’t even know that it was a full second that I saw them, but…it was Isaac. I saw him. At least, I feel like I did.”
“Did you?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I was outside when you came out. I tried to follow him, but when I went out there, I looked for him, for his car, and nothing.”
As his body trembles against mine, tension rises within me. I think about what he told me—about experiencing mania while he was trying to make sense of his brother’s disappearance. About how he kept seeing Isaac in places he couldn’t have been.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
He tears up. “It doesn’t feel like it did when it was like that before, but I don’t know what I’m gonna do if that’s happening again. I’m scared, Leif.” He pulls me close for a hug, burying his face against me, and I feel a tear against my shoulder. “What if I’m losing it again?”
It wrecks my heart, reminds me of my own darkness. “If that’s what’s happening, then we’ll figure it out, Zane,” I say without even thinking. “You and me. Together.”
“I don’t want to do that to you. I don’t want to put you through my bullshit.”
“If I was having a hard time, what if I told you I didn’t want to put you through that?”
He chuckles. “I wouldn’t let you out of my fucking sight.”
Is it messed up how safe his words make me feel? Probably, but I don’t give a fuck.
“Then now you know how I feel,” I say.
He pulls away, his eyes red, a little wet underneath. I kiss right under one of his eyes, then the other.
“What if I need to go to the ER?” he asks.
“Then I’ll drive you. Visit you. Be there to pick you up. And be here to bug you when your health insurance fucks up and you have to call to get them to cover your meds. And to give you a BJ every time you get too stressed.”
His smile returns, but another tear streaks from his eyes. “Fuck it,” he says, wiping at it.
Then there’s another tear.
I’m waiting for him to hide them from me, out of pride, but he doesn’t. He studies my face for a moment before his gaze meets mine. “Leif, I lost the people I cared about most. And losing Mike…I thought that was going to kill me. Makes me think it’s a stupid idea to get close to anyone. And like, the dumbest thing I’ve ever done was get close to you.”
He sounds almost angry with himself as he says that last bit, and an uneasy sensation stirs in my chest. Why would he say that? Did I go too far? Is he about to push me away?
“Zane…”
He kisses me again, and between the kiss and how he’s holding me, I assure myself my fears are irrational.
When he pulls away, he goes on. “What I’m saying is, I don’t think I should have gotten this close to you, but now it’s too fucking late. I’ve lost enough people in my life to know that you can’t wait around to say the things you have to say, so I’m just going to say it.”
He looks me dead in the eyes. The last time he looked this serious was the night we met. “I love you, Leif.”
That sensation, like I’ve been pumped with a sedative, comes again. Those words make me feel so at ease, so at peace, as though I’ve been waiting to hear them all my life.
From him.
He rushes on. “I don’t need you to feel it yet. In fact, it’s probably best if you don’t feel that way about me. I’d never ask you to pretend you do when you don’t, but I need you to know…” He takes my hand and sets it on his chest. “My heart belongs to you. I belong to you.”