Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 94220 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 471(@200wpm)___ 377(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94220 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 471(@200wpm)___ 377(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
I’ve tried not to push. Despite what a good time we had yesterday, a good day can’t wash away all the bad. But I tell myself we don’t have to work that all out right now, and I do the best I can to enjoy our first official date.
We hit some of the rides—classics like the Gravitron, the drop tower, and the bumper cars. Then we grab hot chocolate and head through the Lights Walk.
“Everything okay?” I ask him after he glances over his shoulder.
He finally makes eye contact. “Yeah. Sorry. I keep having this feeling we’re being watched. That sounds stupid, doesn’t it?”
“It’s not stupid,” I try to reassure him, and he takes a breath, as if hearing me say that has set him at ease.
“I’m sorry I’m being like this. This is great. Just…I don’t know, all that shit with my brother really got on my mind yesterday, after we went to the park. At first it started as a little guilt, but then it got bigger throughout the night. Like it was wrong of me to enjoy myself when he could be…” He stops himself, like he doesn’t dare speculate what could be happening to his brother right now.
“Hey, come over here,” I say, guiding him off the walk to an empty bench beside an illuminated, human-sized nutcracker decoration.
I take his hand, interlocking our fingers, and his gaze meets mine again.
“I don’t want you to be miserable tonight, thinking you have to act cool or together for me. I’ve felt that with my parents, and it sucks and only makes things worse. It’s okay to have a bad night or week. I want you to feel comfortable being yourself, in whatever form that may take.”
He studies my expression, then snickers. “It’s hard for me to imagine I ever did anything good enough to deserve a boyfriend like you.”
I lean toward him. “Maybe you’re just that lucky,” I tease before stealing a kiss. He doesn’t resist, accepting my lips, then my tongue. I expected it to be quick, but soon, our faces are pushed up against each other’s, my cheeks appreciating the much-needed heat.
When I pull away, I’m practically humming with pleasure, when I hear, “Leif?”
The hairs on my neck and arms stand on end. I turn to see James in jeans and a leather jacket approaching with Avi, Lex, and Steph. The old gang, all back together, without me. It shouldn’t surprise me. They’re all home from college for winter break, and this is a big event around town.
James approaches until he’s about a yard from me, sizing me up.
In one hand, I’m still gripping Zane’s; in the other, I tighten my hold on my hot chocolate, trying to keep from crushing it as I think about the fucked-up way James turned his social media followers against me.
While James looks me in the eyes, everyone else is searching around, like they want to enjoy their night out, not confront an ex-friend.
“Good to see you again,” he says.
“Is it?” I ask.
He winces. “Wow. Here I was coming to give you a chance to apologize, but—”
“Apologize? Me?”
“You accused me of talking shit to everyone about what happened to you.”
“I didn’t accuse you specifically, James, but based on how you’re acting, I guess I should have.” My cheeks are on fire as my rage intensifies.
James releases a nervous chuckle, the sort that confirms what I already know. “Figured not much has changed. You know, if you were trying to figure things out with your sexuality or whatever, I get it, but that’s not a reason to take it out on all of us.”
“What?” I ask.
Zane’s grip tenses against mine, like he’s as pissed as I am…or maybe trying to keep himself next to me rather than going after James for being such a fucking asshole.
“I get it,” James says. “My cousin got all weird and went a little crazy when he was struggling with being gay.”
Now my chest is hot. Although, it shouldn’t surprise me that James would thoughtlessly throw around the word crazy without considering how offensive it is to others around him.
How was I ever friends with this guy?
“I was struggling with shit, and you knew that, but it didn’t have anything to do with my sexuality, and clearly, none of you were my friends to begin with because at least one of you knows I’m not the asshole here.” I try to make eye contact with Avi, but he avoids my gaze.
James releases another nervous chuckle. “Fine. Be a dick.” He spins around and starts off, the others following him. Steph and Avi glance over their shoulders. I can read the guilt all over their expressions.
I take a breath before turning to Zane, whose jaw is clenched as he stares forward, like he’s about to chase after them and hunt them down one by one.