Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 90098 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 450(@200wpm)___ 360(@250wpm)___ 300(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90098 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 450(@200wpm)___ 360(@250wpm)___ 300(@300wpm)
Maybe I was sleepy enough that my internal defenses were down, ’cause I admitted these thoughts to my ma, and she just shook her head at me.
“What?” I got a little testy. Maybe. “You know it’s true. He’s had too much instability in his life. Too many worries. You can’t push yourself to go to the store when you’re suffering from anxiety because you don’t know when Dad will come around again.”
At that, she scoffed. “Are you hearing yourself, boy? Please apply that same logic to your own situation. Or are you blaming your rough years on yourself? Because that would be seriously stupid.”
I scowled.
“You got dealt a crappy hand, son,” she said. “You didn’t have enough family around you. Lindsey passed away—God rest her soul. Your industry all but collapsed. How many smaller businesses did you see go down the past ten or fifteen years?”
I lowered my gaze to my mug.
“And you have a son who needs extra help,” she went on. “You can’t be everywhere and do everything, Ben. You can’t be two parents and a full-time provider under those circumstances. You just can’t. But you never stopped trying, and that’s what matters. You sacrificed everything so that Alvin could be okay. You lived with friends, you gave up having your own home, and every penny you earned went to him.”
I let out a long breath and sipped from my coffee. It was fucking hard hearing this from her. Logically, I knew she was right. If this had happened to Garrett or Angie, I never would’ve blamed them like I blamed myself.
“Think about the future instead,” she advised. “You finally have a partner. Someone who’s as crazy as you are.”
I sent her a sideways smirk.
She smiled. “You’re not only sharing a workload, sweetie. You’re sharing your dreams. You’re making them come true together. Our family is growing for the first time. I, for one, can’t wait to meet Trace’s parents. Or his ma, at least. I hear his old man is much like you two.”
I chuckled and dipped my chin. I’d only spent approximately an hour or two with Kell and Teresa, but they were good people. They’d flown in over a weekend just to adopt Pippen. And the way things had gone down had left no room for me to be a nervous wreck. They’d been understaffed at the bar, so I had left one job to start another. But zero complaints from me. Now that I was contributing everywhere and pulling my weight, the overtime meant both Trace and I could start saving. Every dollar counted.
We wanted those two weeks in Florida every year.
We wanted presents under the tree every Christmas.
We wanted everyone to get food at the soup kitchen.
We wanted date nights with beefs, hot dogs, and steak.
We wanted Alvin to continue making progress.
As if sensing I was thinking about him, Trace glanced over at me and smiled.
Alvin was clinging to his back, testing the waters. Literally.
I smiled back.
EPILOGUE
A YEAR LATER
Ben O’Cleary
By the time we made it back to Ma’s old place at four in the morning, Alvin was nonverbal and refused to let me go.
I held him to me as we walked up the stairs, and I dug my keys out.
“Don’t feel bad even for a second, son.” I pressed a kiss to the side of his head. “We’ll get there. Remember what Rose said—baby steps. And you’ve taken so many baby steps this year.”
He nodded jerkily but said nothing.
Honestly, at this point, I was sure he was mostly angry. He loved his room at our place, but his mind just wasn’t ready to spend the whole night there.
Trace and I had learned his new signs. When he got huffy and frustrated around midnight, his determination to stay was battling against old fears and anxiety. He wanted to move now. He spent every day with us. He had new routines he loved. More fucking fish. More social interactions. Then when darkness fell…
I unlocked the door and let him enter first.
The apartment was almost empty. We kept the couch in the living room. Most of the time, Alvin didn’t mind sleeping here alone. I’d hesitated about two months ago when Ma had moved permanently, and Alvin had been the one to remind me that he was actually nineteen. So fine. But when I worked nights and was on call anyway, I didn’t mind staying out here with him. Like tonight.
I’d cleared it with my boss, so it was all good.
Alvin wordlessly got ready for bed, and I promised I’d stay close.
Tonight wasn’t one of those nights he could be alone. He’d had a pretty bad anxiety attack toward the end, though we suspected that had more to do with our upcoming road trip to Florida.
Too many new things at once naturally came with a setback or two. We were prepared for that.