Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 101736 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 509(@200wpm)___ 407(@250wpm)___ 339(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 101736 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 509(@200wpm)___ 407(@250wpm)___ 339(@300wpm)
“Right,” I said.
Except my agreement came a little too quickly to sound natural, and it drew her suspicion. Her eyes sharpened on me, and I’d swear they could see right down to the mistake I’d made years ago, and the guilt I harbored over it.
“Okay.” She put her knife down and gave me a hard look. “You don’t think cheating is gross?”
“No, I do.” I hoped she could hear how genuine I was.
“Then why is your face all weird?” Her eyes went wide. “Oh, my god. You’ve cheated!”
“Well, that depends on your definition of cheating.”
Her jaw dropped and she looked at me like I was scum. “What the hell does that mean?”
I sighed. Why the fuck had I said that? “Look, it’s not something I’m proud of, but I . . . sort of cheated on Cassidy once.”
That did nothing to help the look of disgust she was shooting at me. “Sort of?”
Shit, I was going to have to explain. “It was at the end of our relationship, the summer right after our freshman year at Vanderbilt. I’d invited some people over, but it was last minute, so nobody showed up, except for this one girl named Stacy.”
Later, I learned she’d told everyone else to stay away. She’d wanted me all to herself.
There was an uncomfortable tightness in my chest. “I’d had too many beers, so my thinking wasn’t great. Stacy said she was cold and wanted to get in the hot tub.”
My pause was too long, annoying her. “And?”
“And she didn’t have a swimsuit.”
Her posture stiffened. “Oh.”
More like, oh, shit. I hadn’t known that at the time, either. “She came out of the bathroom after changing, wrapped in a towel, and I’d just assumed her suit was strapless. Then, she took her first step into the hot tub, tossed her towel aside, and I realized what . . . was missing.”
I got a flash of her naked body before she sank down into the bubbling water, and I’d stood dumbfounded at the side of the hot tub for a long time, considering my options. Which had been extra difficult because I was drunk.
“I should have left her,” I said, “and gone back in the house, but I was wasted, and I was pissed at Cassidy.”
Outrage burned in her eyes. “You’re blaming her for your cheating?”
“No, no.” I couldn’t get the words out fast enough. “I know I fucked up. I’m not trying to make excuses, or say it wasn’t one thousand percent my fault.”
I couldn’t even blame Stacy for it. Sure, she’d come on strong, and that was shady as fuck because she knew I was drunk, but she hadn’t forced me to get in the hot tub with her.
I’d made that choice.
“I’m just trying to explain what led to my giant fuck-up.” I placed my hands on the counter and leaned forward. “My whole life, I’d been the center of attention. For my mom, and then my dad, and then, for a while, Cassidy. That stopped when we got to college, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.”
It was embarrassing to admit, but I couldn’t help myself. My friends knew about the Stacy incident, but I hadn’t really talked about it with anyone before. It’d been bottled up for so long, it was almost a relief to get it out.
“So, I got in,” I lifted my guilty, vulnerable gaze to Sydney. “And when Stacy started kissing me, I kissed her back.” My voice lost all its power. “We probably would have done more, but my dad came home early, and he caught us. He was so pissed that it sobered me up right quick, and when I realized what the fuck I’d done, I got out and told her to go home.”
“What’d he say to you?”
“My dad? Nothing, but it was the first time I’d ever seen him disappointed in me. He knew I was still with Cassidy.”
She looked dubious. “But he said nothing?”
“You have to understand, my dad and I didn’t have a good relationship back then. Fuck, for the first twelve years of my life, we didn’t have a relationship at all. He chose medical school and his career over my mom and me.”
Her expression shifted. “What changed?”
“He grew up. Grew out of being a selfish asshole.” There was no doubt I’d gotten that trait from him, but I liked to think I’d overcome it better and faster than he had. “For a long time, I thought it was too little, too late for us. My mom made me move in with him, and at first it sucked, but then I realized I had all the leverage. He was so eager to get me to like him, he’d let me do whatever the fuck I wanted. So, no. He didn’t say anything.”
She considered that for a quiet, heavy moment. “Does Cassidy know about it? That you and Stacy—”