Total pages in book: 63
Estimated words: 58321 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 292(@200wpm)___ 233(@250wpm)___ 194(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 58321 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 292(@200wpm)___ 233(@250wpm)___ 194(@300wpm)
Until now.
For once in my fucking life, I want nothing more than to be selfish, but fear of the cost haunts me. If I fail, if war comes, not only will hundreds—if not thousands—die in the infighting, but our territory will be so weakened that it will take no effort at all for one of the others to sweep in and finish us off.
No, I have to succeed. I have no other choice.
I can’t think inside these walls. This is my childhood home, and there once was a time when I ran through these halls with the confidence that nothing and no one could touch me. That I was perfectly safe. Now this place is more like a mausoleum. A memory of all I’ve lost that I can never escape. If I stop moving, it feels like the walls are closing in. Almost as if they will press me into mortar and stone, course over me until I am no longer a man, until I’m just another ghost haunting these hallways.
The dark thoughts drive me to the nearest vertical shaft and push me to launch myself into the air. I clear the castle walls in seconds, and only then can I breathe properly. At least for a moment. But everywhere I look is more evidence of what will be lost if I’m not skilled enough to succeed.
The peaks to the north, across the large lake, butt up against Rusalka’s territory. She already has her fiery fingers sunken into plenty of people in my territory. The delights she offers are intense enough to combat their instinctive fear of both incubi and succubi. My people only remember how brutal the last war was when it’s convenient for them.
If I keep flying, over the mountains to the west and past the bargainer demon territory to the ocean, I could just go until my wings give out and I plummet into the water. There would be no curse to worry about then. Maybe the memories plaguing me would finally cease rattling around in the back of my mind where I can never escape.
The look of surprise on my father’s face, frozen there in death.
My sister’s blood soaking the stones as her breath rattles to a stop.
The twins, their bodies so badly damaged that I’m not even certain what killed them. Only who.
The knowledge that I ran when I should have fought, that I hid when I should have helped.
I should have died that day with the rest of my family. Every moment I’ve lived since then feels stolen. That’s the true curse I live under.
The claustrophobic feeling inside me presses hard until I want to rip my skin off just to be rid of it. I know I need to keep everything inside, to power through any sign of weakness, but it bubbles up despite my best effort.
I throw my head back and keen my grief to the wind.
5
GRACE
I’m leaning halfway out my window, examining the exterior of the castle for a backup exit route, when I see the distant form of Bram shooting into the air. I pause despite myself. I was never one to wish for wings or flight. Being able to read people’s auras is magic enough, though no one really talks about how horrific it is that you can’t be lied to. Why wish for more? It seems to me that all magic is a double-edged blade, and I’m sure flight is no different.
It certainly is beautiful to watch, though. Bram cuts through the air the way sharks swim through the sea, every bit of energy seemingly devoted to his mobility, his speed. At least until he arches, throwing his head back. Even at this distance, I hear his cry and feel an answering twinge in my chest. I don’t need to see the white edged with pale blue pulsing from his body to know that he’s experiencing grief on a level most people can only dream of.
I hate that I know that feeling. I hate even more that I empathize with it. He sounds like he’s the last person living in the entire world and he only just realized it. I felt that when my mother never came home and I realized I was the last Jaeger left.
For so much my life, my family was the compass I guided my actions by, whether I followed in their footsteps or to fight against harmful traditions. Being the last one means I am unmoored in a way that I still haven’t quite wrapped my mind around.
I guess I’ll figure that out when I get back to my realm. For now, I have answers to seek.
I slip fully back into my room and carefully close the shutters. Climbing down the exterior wall might work in a pinch, but it’s a route I would like to avoid. There has to be a better way out of here that doesn’t require wings.