Total pages in book: 140
Estimated words: 138003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 690(@200wpm)___ 552(@250wpm)___ 460(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 138003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 690(@200wpm)___ 552(@250wpm)___ 460(@300wpm)
Even if he isn’t exactly good himself, says a little voice inside me. What he did…
I glance Daisy’s way. Maybe I’d do the same. And just look at her now, so mucky and carefree. Not that I think I’ve solved all her anxieties.
“But that’s not to say I don’t worry. It is very sudden.”
Here it comes.
“When you know, you know.”
“Yes, you already said that.”
“It’s not even the age difference. It’s more that you can’t really know him.”
“I know him well enough,” I say quietly. Enough to know that none of this is meant to be real. Enough to keep up my guard, no matter how good he makes me feel.
Unlike with Tod, I won’t be fooled by pretty pictures in my head.
“I’m sure you think you do, but marriage is hard, Lavender. Even when you really love someone.”
I refrain from commenting. I won’t say I love Raif when we’re both aware that I barely know him.
“Well, darling, I suppose that’s what I came to say. And that I’m here. Whatever happens, I’m here. You’re my daughter, and I love you fiercely. I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but please don’t shut me out.”
My gaze dips to the tips of my shoes, the only thing not matching my painting outfit. “I know I haven’t been the easiest to parent.” Screwing my eyes tight, I shut out the beginnings of those bubbling feelings of inadequacy.
Why does Lavender have to behave like this?
Why does she have to be so much trouble?
It’s always been the million-dollar question, hasn’t it?
“But I’m a grown-up now. You don’t have to worry about me.”
Mum’s gaze slides to Daisy, a sad smile playing across her lips. “That’s not how parenting works.” Her gaze returns. “You might find that out yourself.”
But I’m not Daisy’s mum. I won’t be any sort of parent to her. But I can and I will be here for her. While I’m here, at least. I’ll leave her with good memories of me. Who knows, maybe Raif and I will end up being friends after this. But I don’t think so. It would be too awkward after my dowry-sized golden handshake. I haven’t even slept with him yet, but I know I won’t be able to see him with other women. I’d be lying to myself if I thought otherwise.
I stretch, my shoulders brushing the sun-warmed bricks. “I thought you might’ve popped in to take me to lunch,” I say flippantly.
“It looks like you have your hands full today.” Her expression is fond as she takes Daisy in.
“She’s a sweet kid.”
“They all are at this age. They don’t turn to monsters until they reach double digits.”
She won’t be my problem then. She isn’t really my problem now. I’m just helping out.
“Do you know if Primrose is home for dinner?” she asks, scooping up her bag.
“No idea.”
“Might be dinner for one.”
“Is that weird for you, given you used to have a full house, and now there’s just you and Prim?”
“I’ve had years to get used to it. You all snuck off in increments. Except Whit, of course.”
Whit won a prestigious scholarship to a college in Florida when I was quite young.
“But that’s life. And I get to see you all often enough. Well, some of you a little less than others,” she adds a touch pointedly.
I chuckle. I knew she’d get around to it.
“You and Raif should come to dinner. Daisy, too. Save me from a lonely widow’s existence.”
“Ha! You’ve got a better social life than I have.” She uses Whit’s fancy club membership like it’s her own. Badminton, Pilates, and a swim most mornings in their lush pool. Mahjong afternoons and evenings out with the “girls.”
“Yes, but to eat alone…” Though her words sound sad, amusement lurks in the shape of her mouth.
“Which means you get to eat all the cheese and do none of the dishes?”
“Yes! Quince paste, grapes, and those fancy crackers that Whit brings from France. And gin,” she adds with a fervent gleam.
“Mum,” I admonish playfully.
“Gin is good for you.”
“That’s so not true.”
“Of course it is. A lady of my age needs all the gin she can get. Colla-gin, estro-gin…”
“Hilarious,” I deadpan.
“Call me about dinner?”
“I’ll see when Raif is free. Enjoy your evening of mother’s ruin.”
“Oh, I was ruined a long time ago.”
“Yeah, don’t remind me. I know you’ve got a hundred kids.”
“Just seven wonderful ones,” she says, touching my cheek. “No need to ask Raif on my behalf. He gave me his number. I’ll ask him myself.”
“Outmaneuvered by the golden oldies,” I mutter without thinking.
“I’m sure your husband would just love to hear you lump him in with me, your decrepit mother.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” I just meant he’s a proper grown-up. “And you’re not old, so stop fishing for compliments.”
“I get them where I can,” she says, sliding her arms around me and pulling me in for a Penhaligon’s Chasing Constance-perfumed hug.