Total pages in book: 24
Estimated words: 22480 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 112(@200wpm)___ 90(@250wpm)___ 75(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 22480 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 112(@200wpm)___ 90(@250wpm)___ 75(@300wpm)
I toss several pregnancy tests in the cart. As I make my way to the register, I spot a freezer filled with ice cream. I add two pints of rocky road to the counter before I finish paying. Seems like the type of day that calls for a treat.
After I’m done, I debate taking the tests right away but decide to wait until I’m home. But the entire drive, I’m a ball of nerves. I can’t stop wondering what I’ll do if I’m pregnant with Derek’s child. Would he believe me? Would it change his plans?
He’s moving away. He hasn’t told me yet, guess I’m not even worth telling his big plans to. For two weeks after we slept together, I kept waiting for him to come to his senses. By week four, I realized that he meant it. We were really a mistake. That’s when I started crying myself to sleep every night.
I’d like to say that I’m strong and tough and managed to stitch myself back together in the weeks since. But I haven’t. Because Derek was more than a fling to me. He felt like the piece of me I didn’t know I was missing. He’s my other half, my soulmate. But he’s a coward. The same man that will walk fearlessly into a burning building won’t give the spark between us a chance.
Back at home, I take the test. Despite the fact that I was raised in a strict commune and taught never to swear, a naughty word slips from my lips when I see the results.
“Maybe it’s wrong,” I whisper to myself and proceed to pee on another stick. Then another and another.
By the time I’m done, there are eight sticks all telling me the same thing. I even convince myself it’s because they’re the same brand. But digging through the trashcan tells me the real story. Different brands are all revealing the truth. There’s a baby inside of me.
Suddenly, I’m too queasy for the ice cream I bought earlier. I’m too queasy for anything. Briefly, I consider calling Journey or Lucy. But they’re both married to firefighters who work with Derek. If they accidentally let it slip, he’ll know.
With shaky fingers, I dial the number to my gynecologist. The moment the receptionist answers, I burst into tears. Between hiccupping sobs, I get the whole awful truth out. I’m pregnant and alone and don’t have the first clue what to do.
But Mary is amazing. She patiently listens and reassures me everything will be fine and that she’ll work me in to see a doctor at the practice tomorrow afternoon. I sniff and thank her and finally hang up, feeling slightly better.
Since I don’t trust myself not to burst into tears on the phone again, I text Cam that I won’t be in tomorrow for my shift. That’s when I realize I don’t know anything about my job and pregnancy.
It wasn’t something we talked about in the fire academy. Sure, there were a few women students, but we were vastly outnumbered by the men. It didn’t bother me since I’ve grown up with brothers.
The statistics I read online make my stomach drop. Women who stay on active duty while pregnant are at an increased risk of a miscarriage. I press a hand to my stomach. I’m not even sure if there’s really a baby in there, but I don’t want to take any chances.
Reviewing the policies and procedures for Courage County Fire and Rescue doesn’t make me feel any better. There are no policies for maternity leave or procedures regarding pregnancy. Given that, Chief Strickland could demand that I carry on with my duties as normal. I wouldn’t be the first female firefighter that’s happened to, which would mean choosing between my job and my baby’s health.
Worrying about this is making me feel sick to my stomach so I pull up pictures of babies in the womb. If what I’m reading is right, my baby is the size of a peach about now. I tilt my head and study the illustration. “You’re kind of cute.”
There’s a knock on my apartment door so I slip my laptop into sleep mode and move to answer it. When I glance through the peephole and see Derek, my heart stutters. He still follows me home just like he did before we slept together. He thinks I still don’t know but I know. Of course, I know. I feel his presence all around me.
For a second, I wonder if he was able to sense this then dismiss the silly thought. I consider not answering the door but when I see the box of pizza he’s holding, I finally relent. At least my constant cravings for milk and cheese the past few weeks are starting to make sense.
“What are you doing here?” I ask when I open the door. The yellow roses he’s clutching leave a sour taste in my mouth. “It’s been weeks. It’s too late for this.”