Total pages in book: 23
Estimated words: 21278 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 106(@200wpm)___ 85(@250wpm)___ 71(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 21278 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 106(@200wpm)___ 85(@250wpm)___ 71(@300wpm)
Could she be pregnant? Could my baby be in her tight little body already?
There’s a rushing in my ears and everything sounds far away and garbled, like I’m underwater. I’m vaguely aware of Pearl taking the kids to explore the garden and Pops putting his gnarled hand on my shoulder. “Just breathe.”
It’s not until he tells me to breathe that I realize I’m hyperventilating. Fighting for every breath, dragging it through lungs that won’t expand.
“She could be pregnant,” I wheeze when I can finally get out the words.
“You don’t know that,” he says in that reassuring, patient tone that only a father can use. I’m a grown-ass man but my dad’s presence does calm me.
Even though he says that, there’s a knowing within me. Lucy is pregnant with my baby. I can’t explain it, but I feel it deep in my bones. “I’m just getting my shit together.”
It’s been a hellish four years. Every day, I felt like my chest was split wide open. Every day, I struggled to breathe. Then there was Lucy, showing up with her light and love. She pulled me from the darkness, made me remember to live again.
“I can’t lose her, Pops.” My voice cracks and I’m pretty sure I’m the one that’s going to toss cookies now. “I love her.”
Shit, I haven’t even had a chance to tell her that. Not with my words. I’ve tried to tell her in other ways, loving on her body. Spending time together just the two of us. Talking with her at the end of the day. Learning who she is and what she likes.
“She’s not Iris,” he says.
I flinch. They’re both women I love deeply. But love the second time around is different. I’m not the fearless kid I was years ago. I’m battle-scarred and cautious now. I know that sometimes you bury the woman you love then go to the NICU and pray you won’t be burying your kids too.
“She’s my whole world,” I explain. After Iris, I promised myself I’d never go through that again. I’d never hurt like that. But Lucy made it past all my defenses. She got around them and now I can’t imagine my life without her.
“You’re hurting, son. You got knocked out in the first round,” he answers and for a moment, I remember that he’s a widower too. My mom died when I was just a year old. This grizzled man found the strength to raise me and when he watched me grieve my wife, he was there. How many nights did he show up at the hospital and just hold me? How many times did he step into my pain and listen as I ranted about the unfairness of it all?
Pops continues, “But there’s more than just you here. You have another little one. You have Lucy. This is what a man does. He faces the things he’s afraid of so he can be there for the ones he loves.”
His words sink in deep. He’s right. There’s not just me anymore. My woman is pregnant, and she needs me. I want to be there for my family. I want to watch her stomach grow round and cuddle her close through all the stages of her pregnancy.
I pocket the ring box. “You think you and Pearl could watch the twins for a few hours for me?”
11
LUCY
Even though I suspected I’d get the news from Cash today, I still find myself wandering around the house in a daze. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been pregnant before and the enormity of it hits me all at once. I don’t know what to do with a baby. I’ve helped with them at the daycare. But that’s nothing like actually raising one myself.
What if Lincoln doesn’t want more kids? What if he can’t ever love this little baby?
I press a hand to my stomach, feeling a wave of protectiveness. “Don’t you worry. Your mama has your back. She always will.”
No matter what happens with Lincoln, I won’t be like my mom. I won’t descend into a pit of darkness and refuse to get help. I’ll raise my little baby even if I have to do it on my own without him.
I mean, he hasn’t even said he loves me. Maybe he doesn’t feel the same way I do. Maybe me being here is just giving him the fantasy he’s always wanted, a loving wife in his bed and mother to his children.
As soon as I think the thoughts, my mind goes back to this morning. He stalked into the shower and cornered me against the wall. He made me come so many times that I swear I saw stars. Then he slid into my body and demanded to know who owned this pussy. The shower water was the only thing that muffled my cries of pleasure as he plowed into me relentlessly.