Total pages in book: 109
Estimated words: 105080 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 525(@200wpm)___ 420(@250wpm)___ 350(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 105080 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 525(@200wpm)___ 420(@250wpm)___ 350(@300wpm)
Elias caught it easily. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure, as long as it doesn’t have anything to do with what we were just talking about.”
He smiled. “It doesn’t. I just… Have you ever been in love?”
Yes was the first answer that came to mind, and I froze…then let myself acknowledge it. I was in love with West. Maybe I shouldn’t be—actually, there was no maybe about it. I definitely shouldn’t be. Maybe it didn’t make sense, or maybe I’d later realize that what I felt for West wasn’t really love. How could I love someone I’d only been in the same physical space with four times? But then, I’d spent months talking to him, confiding in him, listening to him as he talked about work, and how much he cared about people, and how he wanted to make a difference. He was always there for me, traveled across the country for me, and held my secrets.
Maybe it was because West was the only man I’d been with. Maybe the more time we spent together, things would change, and I’d see he wasn’t who I thought he was, but I didn’t really believe that.
It was him. There was something special about West, and I was crazy about him, and so incredibly fucked. But even if things were different for me, I didn’t think West felt the same. He’d said himself he wasn’t interested in a serious relationship.
“Anson?” my brother prompted when I didn’t respond right away.
“No,” I lied. “I’ve never been in love. Have you?”
“Yeah, I am now. With Carly. I want to ask her to marry me. Not right away, but I… Fuck.” He wheeled himself over to the sliding glass door, pushed a button so it opened, and wheeled himself out.
I followed. “What is it?”
“As much as I talk about being proud of who I am and how there’s nothing I can’t do…what if she deserves better? What if there are things I can’t give her, and she decides she doesn’t want a husband who’s in a wheelchair for the rest of his life?”
“What? No, El. Don’t you ever think that way. She’s lucky to have you. There’s not a better man in the whole world.” I’d never heard my brother speak that way. He’d had his struggles accepting his new reality, of course. Even now, there were hard times, but he found a way to work through them. Things weren’t always easy, but he went at life with a good attitude, always giving his all, even if he failed at something. He didn’t feel sorry for himself.
“That still doesn’t mean it’s what she’ll want forever…or that she won’t think she does, only to realize later on that she doesn’t.”
“Then she doesn’t deserve you, and you’re better off without her. No one ever knows if a relationship is going to work out. You love someone, you think it will, but you never know. No one gets married planning for it to fail, but marriages do all the time. You just have to ask yourself if Carly is worth the risk. How being without her or losing her now feels compared to possibly losing her later. You’ll never know if you don’t try, and you might miss out on a once-in-a-lifetime thing.”
Thoughts of stupid fucking Weston Calloway filled my brain. He was going to ruin me. Now instead of Elias and Carly, I was thinking about West and me. Not that I wanted to propose to him, but I wanted…more, something real. To throw caution to the wind and risk the fallout. He was worth the risk, if he’d have me.
“Ans?” My brother’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. I could tell by the way he’d said it that it wasn’t the first time he’d called my name.
“Why do you sound like you’re talking from experience? You should have seen the look on your face just now.”
“I’m not.” I shook my head and glanced away.
“I used to think you talked to me, that it wasn’t just you who was there for me, but that I was there for you too. I don’t think that anymore. I think you have a lot of goddamned secrets, and one day, I hope you’ll trust me enough to share them with me.”
Fuck, this was such a mess. “I…” My mouth hung open a second before closing, but nothing else came out.
“It’s okay, for now. But maybe one day soon you’ll trust me the way I trust you. And thank you. You’re right—about Carly, I mean. She’s worth the risk, and if I’m not enough for her, then it’s her loss, not mine. I know that. Love just fucks with your brain sometimes, I think.”
You can say that again, brother. I clapped a hand on Elias’s shoulder. “Good man. I can’t believe you’re getting married.”