Total pages in book: 206
Estimated words: 192184 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 961(@200wpm)___ 769(@250wpm)___ 641(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 192184 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 961(@200wpm)___ 769(@250wpm)___ 641(@300wpm)
I’d laughed, slapped him on the shoulder, and said, “See Johnny, that’s where you and I differ. The only way in the world that’d go down for me is if there were no limits, no safe words.”
Control. Full control. I looked at the photo in front of me again and the way she looked… I thought about control. I thought about controlling the business, being in full control of my own destiny, and I couldn’t help but think about controlling her.
Pop was watching me mull things over. Fuck.
I looked at him, conceding. “I’ll meet her. We’ll see.”
My father got that look on his face that he gets when everything is falling into place. That look was one of the very few things that could chill me to the bone.
I’m young but I’ve been called an old soul more than once. As my high school graduation and nineteenth birthday loomed, all I’d been thinking about is the fact I was officially grown up. Ready to strike out on my own. Sort of. It was time to transition out of foster care into my first apartment.
My foster parents have been wonderful to me for the past five and a half years and they’d gone above and beyond, arranging for me to rent the apartment above the garage at my foster mom’s parents’ home. My own space, but still close to people who are like family, the only family I’ve had for years.
Because I’ve been a ward of the court for the past few years and I’ll continue my education, I’ll have an income supplement through college while my tuition is paid for.
Nona and Nono Caruso have been like I’d expect real grandparents would be to me and the half a dozen girls that live with Rose and Cal Crenshaw at the moment. I’ll be the fifth girl to move into the garage apartment. The family has been fostering for years and they have helped countless teen girls have a home and a stable family for at least a little while.
While I could’ve opted to move out and finish my victory lap of high school from my own place on my eighteenth birthday, the Crenshaws invited me to stay. Being an only child who embraced this busy, hectic, and crazy house full of laughter and love, I was happy to stay the extra year.
I’ve been in foster care since I was nine and was moved around a lot before finding home here. My mother committed suicide when I was small, and that led to my already troubled father falling completely off the rails.
His partying and gambling intensified after her death. That, coupled with his inability to hold down a job was amplified without my mom around. Dad tried to move me in with his sister, my Aunt Carol, one night after being beaten up pretty badly (in front of me) by loan sharks, but she’d said, “Not a chance.”
She actually said that right in front of me. Shame on her. And shame on Dad for asking her in front of me, knowing it was unlikely she’d agree. Not only did she refuse, she also reported him to Social Services for neglect.
They took temporary custody of me so he could get his life together, but he never managed to do that long enough to get me back.
Dad seemed like he wanted to try a few times – he’d go long periods of time without seeing me and then he’d turn up for a visit, tell me he was doing better. Sometimes, he would even do a visit two months in a row, but inevitably over the past nine+ years, the more common pattern was for him to get my hopes up and then let me down and disappear for months at a time. I stopped having expectations of him a long time ago. Becoming a ward of the court made it simpler. They stopped trying to make him try.
This foster home has been, by far, the most nurturing of all. Not only do they go out of their way to make their home a real home, but whatever isn’t provided that me or the other girls need through the “system” they take out of their own pockets.
Three years ago, Rose and Cal bought bicycles out of their own pockets for Christmas gifts for all of us. Two years ago, they took us to Disney World on their dime. They are amazing people and they’ve helped so many girls get their lives together. I hope to repay them someday. Karma is definitely on their side.
Rose, a sweet round woman with a heart of gold, tells me all the payment she wants is my happiness and success. And for me to continue to be a part of their family. Come for Christmas; come for special dinners on my birthday when I don’t have other plans. Have them at my wedding someday. Think of them as my family.