Total pages in book: 206
Estimated words: 192184 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 961(@200wpm)___ 769(@250wpm)___ 641(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 192184 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 961(@200wpm)___ 769(@250wpm)___ 641(@300wpm)
He moaned.
“That’s right. I get to spank this sexy ass. I want to fuck this sexy ass, too.”
My throat went instantly dry. He flipped me over and kissed me hard. I kissed him hard right back. My ass cheeks were on fire, my girlie parts: practically begging for it. He gave it to me hard and fast, thankfully not in the ass (I was flipped out by that idea) and it didn’t last very long, but we both came hard.
I drifted off pretty quickly afterward, but jarred awake to him whispering to me, “Athena.”
“Mm?”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, Tommy.” I put my palm to his cheek.
“Do you really? Or have I just fucked you up so much that you think you have to love me so you can survive me?”
I opened my mouth, but for a second but nothing came out, then, “I don’t know” spilled out as sorrow lanced through me.
I pulled her tight to me and just fucking broke.
“Thank you, baby girl. Thank you for being honest. I know I’m a fucking asshole and I’ve hurt you so bad and messed with your head. I don’t deserve you, but please hang in there with me. I’ll try. I’ll try to be what you need, try so fucking hard. Keep being honest, okay? You are everything to me, do you understand me? You’re more important than the family, the money, the power, the control, any of it. Be strong for me, baby. I need you to be strong. Don’t let me break you. Please don’t let me break you.”
She clutched me what must’ve been as tight as she could.
“I won’t. You’re worth loving, Tommy. You are worthy of real love and that’s what you are going to get from me, okay? And I’ll be everything you need, too, okay? I will love you and be yours forever. I won’t break.”
She wiped the wet from my cheeks with her fingers and put her lips to my chin.
“I’ll hold you to that,” I said, kissed her nose, and then we fell asleep locked together.
I meant it. I wanted him to know unconditional love. I think that’s what he needed.
Why did I fall in love with this man who had fucked with my head so much? It was a combination of things, maybe. Maybe it was partly because of what he’d been through that I thought my love could cure him. It must be unconditional if I was still willing to be in this at this point, right? I told myself I was strong enough, that I could endure, for him, for myself.
I think feeling unconditional love, the love a mother can give, was a missing ingredient from his childhood, maybe because his mom died so young and his father was so driven, but such a dirty dog having all those different women around and no one to really raise Tommy properly, teach him the right morals. Sure, Sarah was sweet, but obviously he lacked the maternal figure he needed. I lacked it too, in the years between Mom and Rose, but Rose had so made up for it. Susie had been amazing, too, going far beyond what I saw some of the other girls in care got.
Was I fucked up as a result of what I’d been through with him? Maybe. No, probably. But with the glimpses he’d shown me of who he was underneath what his father had made him become, I wanted him. I wanted to help him see he could be who he was meant to be. I’d been pushing away my dark thoughts, reaching for the light.
The last few honeymoonish days had helped. It felt like we were gearing up for something big. It was like it was fortifying me for what was to come because I knew how things could be. Yeah, there was dark. This was a man who didn’t hesitate to kill his enemies. This was a man who had been rough with me, too rough with me. But this was also a man who had also shown me that he loved me, that he’d keep me safe, that he’d risk his life for me. I wanted him to feel loved. I wanted my love to be what made him want to stay in the light.
If giving him justification meant I was fucked up, so be it. There were a lot of fucked up people in the world who had evolved because of what they’d been through. I wanted my happily ever after. Would I get it with Tommy? I sure hoped so.
He’d told me when he first got me here that he looked forward to breaking my spirit. Now he was begging me to never let him break it. I sure hoped I could honor that wish of his. When I woke up, he was holding me close, but he was staring at the ceiling, looking like a tortured soul.