Total pages in book: 206
Estimated words: 192184 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 961(@200wpm)___ 769(@250wpm)___ 641(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 192184 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 961(@200wpm)___ 769(@250wpm)___ 641(@300wpm)
I touched the crucifix that sat against my chest and then pulled it back and forth on the chain, deep in thought, waiting for her.
She came out a moment later with her hair tied in a ponytail. She’d put some makeup on but she looked rough. Her eyes were puffy from all the crying and her lips looked a bit swollen and bruised. I knew I’d kissed her hard. Her eyes landed briefly on my necklace and then she averted them quickly.
I watched her go to the closet and get out a pair of white jeans, a pink collared shirt, and a pair of ballerina type shoes and then she grabbed a bra and underwear and went back into the bathroom and got dressed. I headed to the other bathroom. I was done before she was. When she came out, she put her phone in her purse and then zipped it up and wore it diagonally across her body. She stood there, staring at the carpet, staring anywhere but at me.
I texted Jimmy to tell them that we were going out, but that we were good for the night and then I took her hand and we headed out in search of sustenance.
We found a deli where I ordered corned beef on rye with fries and a Coke .
She softly told the waitress “Same for me.”
We’d walked in silence, and then ate in silence, people- watching out the window. I caught a glimpse of her throat and it was red from when I’d grabbed her. It would probably be bruised tomorrow. My gut twisted when I saw that. I looked away and as I did, I caught a young college-aged guy in a varsity jacket checking her out from across the restaurant. I glared at him, and he went red in the face before he looked the other way. She saw it happen. She looked back down at her food, which she’d barely touched.
Then on our way back, as we made our way past the Bellagio’s fountains, I saw her stare at it in what looked like appreciation, so I stopped, and we stood there so she could watch.
She watched the fountains, and I watched her. Her eyes were sad. I felt my heart constrict.
Fuck, Tia. I’m sorry, baby. These words stayed in the middle of my throat.
I turned her to face me and caressed her face while I stared at her for a minute, trying to say things with my eyes that I couldn’t find the words for.
She stared back, and the look on her face… it wasn’t anger. It wasn’t cold. It was as if she was devastated.
It fucking hurt. After a minute I pulled her in close for a kiss. Her lips parted and she let me kiss her, but she didn’t really kiss me back. She winced. I think her lips were sore from earlier.
Anyone walking by would’ve thought we looked like a happy couple in love with the backdrop of the Bellagio water fountains. It’d make a winning postcard. Good thing we weren’t standing there holding one another with thought bubbles dangling over our heads.
My thought bubble: I’m so sorry, baby. Sorry for what I am, for what I need to do to you. I went too far. I wish I could take it back.
Hers: I fucking hate you. I hope you die, you rotten to the core animal.
At the restaurant and walking to and from, he kept stealing glances at me.
I think he was looking to see if I hated him. He probably wanted to know if I’d stopped caring about him, if he’d killed that. He’d shown me many sides of him since we’d been thrown together and after seeing this side, after seeing him snap like that with me and then find it within himself to use me like that… he was probably trying to determine whether or not I could handle this.
The truth was that I didn’t know. I didn’t know what I felt. I knew I had to handle it from the perspective of being trapped with him right now, but what I didn’t know was if I could handle it in the way that… would it break me?
In the moments when he was being horribly cruel, I thought my feelings had shriveled up and died. I would’ve guessed that now in the public I would take my chances by screaming bloody murder, hoping someone would rescue me.
But then with the reveal of the necklace being some sort of anchor for him, then the way he held me and said he loved me and fell asleep against me like he was completely exhausted, like he’d been through the ringer, just like after Mexico, it just hit, twisted a knife in me somewhere deep. I had fallen asleep, but just for a little while.