Total pages in book: 165
Estimated words: 154925 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 775(@200wpm)___ 620(@250wpm)___ 516(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 154925 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 775(@200wpm)___ 620(@250wpm)___ 516(@300wpm)
“That’s not what I’m saying.” He reached out and put his hand over hers. “That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m saying I care about you in a way I’ve never cared about anyone. You are the light that’s leading me out of a dark tunnel. Not just you. I’m not putting that responsibility on you, but you are a big part of why I want to get better.”
That was the moment she realized he wasn’t playing games. He wasn’t trying to trick her into bed or get out of an uncomfortable position.
He was serious, and that meant she was serious, too. Tears pooled in her eyes as the intimacy of their situation washed over her. They had been through something traumatic, and she shouldn’t trust this impulse of his, but she felt it, too. She’d felt like the world was going to end when she’d thought he was dead. She tightened her hand around his and he tugged her his way.
“Careful,” he said as he gently started to bring her closer. “Sit on my lap. I want you close.”
There was one problem with that. “You had surgery.”
His gaze went steely. “And you’ll be careful. I want you close, Mae. I need you close.”
He was going to kill her. She set the coffee down and eased onto his lap, being careful of his injury. “Now I’m close.”
“You’re such a brat.” His cheek rubbed against hers. “I want to move toward something real with you, but I need time. I need to ease into it. Can we try being friends?”
“This doesn’t feel like friends, Kyle.” There was something hard under her thighs, and she didn’t think he was carrying a gun in those pants of his. He wanted her, and she looked like hell.
He nuzzled her neck. “This is about how shitty it was to see you hurt. This is about reassuring myself that you’re alive and here. I want you, Mae, but more than your body. I want the part of MaeBe Vaughn you don’t share with anyone but the person who’s closest in the world to you. I can’t share that part of me yet, so sex is off the table.”
“That doesn’t sound promising. I told you I’ll sleep with you.”
His arm was around her waist, holding him to her. “I’ll sleep with you whenever you want. But no sex until we’re ready to be together. I don’t want to be some guy you sleep with while you’re waiting for the right one to come along.”
This seemed so much worse than what he’d offered her before. Now he was being all obnoxious and mature. Serious. “You were the one who said you wouldn’t stay.”
“And now I’m saying I will,” he whispered against her ear. “I think I want to.”
“I don’t know.” It was perverse. He was saying he would give her what she wanted. Time. Time to be friends. Time to see if they could work before she put her whole heart on the line.
Except she was pretty sure it was already there.
“Then I’ll change your mind,” he promised. “I’m going to do something about my problems. I know I’m fucked up. I’ll work on it. I want to work on being friends, too.”
“Friends without benefits.”
He leaned his head against hers. “For now. Until I’m ready and you’re ready. Does that sound weird? I mean I know I should throw myself in because I know exactly what I want, but…”
“Is that what you did last time? Things went too fast?”
He was quiet for a moment, his hand gently rubbing over her hip. “Everything went fast back then. It was like the world sped up and I was suddenly made of adrenaline. The world was either brighter or harsher, and I didn’t care which until the moment that I did. When I look back now, I don’t recognize myself. I’m starting to remember who I used to be, the man I used to enjoy being. I want to find him again. If it’s too much for you…”
He was trying, and that meant they had a chance.
“I like who I am when I’m around you, too. I’ve enjoyed pretending to be your girlfriend. In my heart it wasn’t pretend.” She leaned against him and suddenly she was tired. In a good way. Her bones were weary, but she knew if she went to sleep she wouldn’t dream. “So we’re friends for now?”
His lips brushed against her forehead. “We’re working toward something. Something amazing. And we can tell anyone you want or we can keep it for ourselves. This thing between us, it’s ours, and we don’t have to define it or justify it to anyone else. I want a future with you but first I need a present. I guess what I’m asking…what I’m begging is please don’t give up on me.”