Total pages in book: 165
Estimated words: 154925 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 775(@200wpm)___ 620(@250wpm)___ 516(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 154925 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 775(@200wpm)___ 620(@250wpm)___ 516(@300wpm)
“Don’t worry about it. I shouldn’t have asked you to follow up.” It was pretty much all he could do for his friend right now. Drake wouldn’t want to be pushed into talking about what had happened.
“I’m going to get it done. I think there are questions we need to answer,” Drake replied. “I’ve put it off because I don’t like thinking about Julia. Hell, I don’t know what I do like thinking about anymore. I feel ripped up from the inside. I look normal, things feel normal, but inside I’m a fucking mess and I can’t let anyone see it.”
“Or you’ll find yourself on sabbatical like me,” Kyle pointed out.
“That wasn’t punishment. You know you needed this time.”
A sigh went through him. He’d been thinking a lot about this lately. The last few weeks had been a revelation. Becoming friends with Hutch was making him rethink a lot of things, and MaeBe was, of course, at the center of everything. “I think I might need more time.”
“Good, because I don’t think they’re going to…” Another moment of quiet. “Are you telling me you don’t want to come back?”
“Maybe.”
Drake’s chuckle now sounded entirely amused. “Oh, I definitely think this is about MaeBe Vaughn.”
That woman was going to drive him crazy. “I like her. A lot. But I totally fucked things up. I told her I would go to bed with her but I couldn’t ever feel for her the way she deserved.”
“You did what?”
Yeah, he was certain everyone would have that reaction. “Well, it seemed like reality at the time. I don’t know. I kind of thought she would either want the same thing or think she could save me, and then maybe she would save me. Turns out she believed me fully—as she should have because I wasn’t lying at the time—and has a lot of self-esteem. She doesn’t want anything to do with my toxic self. Except I pushed myself on her. She was supposed to be working tech on this job, and I dragged her into the thick of it. I told the target MaeBe was my girlfriend. I didn’t intend to, but that woman was looking at me like I was a piece of meat, like…”
“Like Julia did,” Drake prompted. “Like you were a possession, something that was due to her. I remember. Jessica Layne came on to you and you reached out to the woman you can’t stop thinking about. How did she react?”
He would never forget what MaeBe had done. She hadn’t even hesitated. “She put an arm around me and acted like a damn shield, and she’s so fucking soft I can’t stand the thought of her getting hurt, but I also can’t stay away. I’m going through Dom kindergarten for her. I was going to tell my uncle I wasn’t interested but MaeBe’s in the lifestyle.”
“I thought your membership was going to be at The Club,” Drake pointed out.
His brother was already a member of the club owned by Julian Lodge because their…he wanted to throw up a little…mom played at Sanctum. “Mom and Sean play on Thursdays or Sundays. Never on Friday or Saturday. They’re needed at the restaurant those nights. I’ll have privileges at both. I don’t know if I should go through with it. I’m still the same guy. I’m still not good for her.”
“See, you saying you’re not good for her like that means you’ll never be good for her,” Drake mused. “What you should be saying is you’re not ready for her. You’re more cautious now, and you need time to feel comfortable. I think she would give it to you if you asked for it.”
“You think I need time?” He would like to believe this hollow feeling inside him wouldn’t last forever.
“I think you’re already coming out of it. If you’re considering not coming back because you like your new job and like being close to your family, then you’re halfway there, man. You’re thinking about staying on a permanent basis, aren’t you?”
This was why he felt so smothered. He didn’t want to stay. He wanted the freedom of walking out into the world with no thought to anything but revenge.
The problem was he liked being around his brother. He liked hanging out at Top and farting around with the other bodyguards at the office. He liked playing video games with Luke and watching his sister date two guys at the same time right in front of Sean’s nose and Sean didn’t get it. Sean truly thought they were friends. It was fun to be part of a big, noisy, nosy family.
He liked being close to MaeBe, enjoyed the pretend relationship they had on this op. He liked the thought that he might get to a place where he could give her more than sex.
“I think I need more time.” It was all he could say right now.