Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 74298 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 371(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 248(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74298 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 371(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 248(@300wpm)
“We’ll be fine,” I said, shoving myself out of bed and going to throw on some workout clothes. “I need to go for a run, something fierce.”
“Want me to come along?”
“Need to clear my head,” I said, taking off quickly before Tris could see a tear streaming down my face. I wasn’t usually the crying type, and I couldn’t even remember the last time I did. But something deep inside me was so angry—furious—that I couldn’t just do what my father always used to say. That I couldn’t just “man up” and stop caring that Tristan was leaving.
Really, I knew that I never should have gone down the road of letting Tris kiss me, hold me, sleep next to me. Because now I was in deeper than I’d ever been before. I didn’t just feel attracted to him—now I knew exactly how good he really felt, and exactly how good things could be.
My heart would be broken into a dozen pieces when Tristan left. But the idea of uprooting my whole life and then potentially getting my heart broken into a dozen pieces anyway? That was hell. Pure hell.
Here in Kansas, I was safe.
Even if I was sad, even if I was heartbroken, even if I was alone.
I just couldn’t shut up that feeling I had deep down—the feeling of knowing that the only place that had ever truly felt like home was next to him.
12
TRISTAN
“Back again so soon?” Sam said as I sidled up to the bar at Red’s.
“Not exactly proud of it,” I told him.
“Fuck that,” he said. “I’d be proud to come here every day. You’re going to miss it here when you’re gone, anyway.”
My heart clenched. “That’s kind of the problem.”
Red was over by the register on the opposite end of the bar, and he looked up at me. “Everything all right?” he asked gently.
I glanced behind me in the bar. I’d come far earlier than I normally would. It was still the afternoon, and there were about a million other things I should have been doing right now. Packing up things in my house, fixing the lingering things I had to do before selling the house, or working on the last few projects I was doing for Jack’s clients before I left.
But instead, I was here at Red’s again. There were a few more customers here than there were in the rainstorm last night, but this early in the day, it wasn’t packed yet.
I turned back to Red. “I feel like I’m about to start blurting out things that I probably shouldn’t bother you with,” I said. “This is your fair warning.”
“Nothing’s going to bother us,” Sam said. He was usually flirty and joking around 24/7, but it was as if he could tell I was feeling a little frazzled right now. Even Sam was being gentle and genuine.
Red nodded once, striding over and pulling a beer from the tap and sliding it over to me, without even asking. “He’s right,” Red said. “I promise you, no matter what you blurt out, we’ve heard worse here in the bar.”
“Heard worse probably every night,” Sam added.
“Have you guys ever realized something way too late?” I finally started saying. “So late that you think you may have missed your chance completely?”
“Oh, good Lord, yes,” Red said.
“Of course, sweetie,” Sam told me, almost at the same time.
“And when you’re too late, is there ever a way to make up for lost time? Maybe to… show someone, for example, how much you care? How much you’ve always cared?”
I was doing what I always did when I was nervous, asking a million questions instead of getting to the point. Thankfully Red and Sam were both good people who had the patience for anything.
“I can tell you firsthand that sometimes life knocks you flat, and you’ve got to wrangle her back up,” Red said. “But when you’re the one knocked flat, it’s hard to see that.”
“I thought you were about to tell us some juicy TMI stuff,” Sam said. “These kind of questions are your standard-grade, bartender therapist kind of conversation. Don’t worry, Tristan.”
“I think I’m in love with Blue,” I blurted out, finally feeling the dam break inside me. “I mean, Jack. Jack Damien. Obviously. You know him. Jack, my best friend—”
“We know him,” Red said, cracking a rare, big smile.
“Now that’s what I’m talking about,” Sam said. “I knew there was something up when you were being so damn flirty with him last night.”
“I can flirt my ass off, and honestly, here’s some TMI for you,” I said. “I have all the confidence in the world with him in bed. But I don’t know how to prove to him I want more.”
“More,” Sam said. “Oh my Lord and Looney Tunes, you two are adorable. You want all the lovey-dovey stuff?”