Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 74298 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 371(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 248(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74298 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 371(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 248(@300wpm)
I suddenly felt like I was a moth pinned to a wall. My mind reeled, realizing that the colossal, life-altering secret I thought I had with Tris apparently wasn’t such a big secret to him at all.
And something about that made me feel uneasy, in a way I couldn’t really figure out. Tristan and Lindsay were currently acting casual about a thing that was anything but casual, for me. In fact, the “fun” I’d been having with Tristan was the least casual I’d ever felt about hookups in my life.
I felt like the world had just been tipped on its axis, but everyone around me was acting like everything was fine.
“Right. I’m going to go check out that old shed,” I said, grasping for any excuse to get a moment to myself.
I took off toward the shed right away, pushing open the rickety door and letting it swing shut behind me. The shed smelled like old wood, but in a comforting way, and as I walked in, a tiny butterfly meandered its way out the half-open window on the other side.
I pulled in a deep breath, resting my hands on the workbench in front of me that lined the shed. I stared out the window, watching the aspen leaves and pine needles gently shake in the breeze.
It was only about a minute before Tristan pushed inside.
“Blue—”
“I’m okay, Tris,” I said, waving him off immediately. “Sorry for walking off, but I needed a minute to think.”
He let the door swing shut behind him and came over to where I was in front of the window. His eyes were wide and a little regretful. “I shouldn’t have told Lindsay and Shawn without asking you first. I didn’t realize how fucking stupid that was, and I’m sorry, Blue.”
I shook my head, looking out the window again. “No big deal.”
“Yeah, right,” he said. “I don’t think I have to invoke the One-Hundo Policy to know that it is a big deal, to you.”
I let out a breath. “It shouldn’t be, though. We kissed, we did some sexual stuff, and it doesn’t have to be a big deal. You told your siblings about it because to you, it was just a weird, quirky experience.”
Tris cocked his head to one side. “I told them because I couldn’t stop thinking about it,” he corrected. “I didn’t even plan on telling them. It tumbled out of my mouth because it’s been the only thing on my mind, actually.”
I glanced back at him. “Has it?”
I felt like I was hanging in the balance now, so unsure about what this all meant to Tristan.
“You have been the only thing I can think about,” he said, a desperate plea somewhere behind his gaze. “Everything seems so easy for you. Every day, we’ve been going around doing things for my move, and now that you’re here in Colorado, you’re seeing all these new places. And through everything, you just seem calm, collected… detached, almost.”
I furrowed my brow. “I’m not detached.”
Tris was chewing the inside of his cheek now, looking off, frustrated. “You just say everything here is ‘perfect’ and ‘great’ and that’s all I get out of you.”
“Because it actually is perfect,” I said, a little flutter of frustration rising in me, now, too. “You’re moving away to a place that you’re going to love. What could be bad about that?”
Tris set his jaw. “It’s not perfect, because I’m not going to have you.”
He closed the distance between us and pushed against me, pressing his lips to mine in a hard kiss. Before now, I’d never been able to say that I’d been kissed aggressively, but it was definitely what Tristan was doing now. I pushed him back a little, but kept kissing him, both of us trading little plays of dominance back and forth.
I kissed him back just as deeply. I pulled back, covering his jawline with a bunch of little kisses, then giving him a gentle bite at the side of his neck.
“You’re going to be just fine without me,” I growled, squeezing his hips.
“Not fucking possible,” he said, a little breathless as I kissed him again on his neck.
“You’re going to do great,” I said, trying so hard to not let my selfish desires influence what I said to him. “You’ll make a home. Find someone special. Start a family—”
“I want you out here with me,” Tristan said suddenly, pulling back to look me right in the eyes. There was a wildness in his gaze now, and I knew he was running on pure emotion.
“Don’t say that.”
“Why the fuck not?” he batted back at me.
“Because you don’t mean it,” I said. Our faces were still so close, our lips still slick. I was squeezing Tristan’s arms now, trying to knock some sense into him. “You’re freaked out about moving out here alone, but after a few months, you’ll be fine. Happy. You’ll forget about me.”