Total pages in book: 134
Estimated words: 130159 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130159 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
“That’s why you always wash your hands after handling money, honey,” Gloria advised sagely as Buddy handed her a mug of steaming coffee.
“Good point.” Heavenly accepted hers from Buddy with a soft smile. Pausing, she blew on the brew and took a sip, then eyed him and Seth curiously.
“Is something wrong?” Beck asked. “Are you going to be sick?”
“No. I was just wondering… Can either of you do that helicopter thing with your”—Heavenly nodded toward their laps—“you know… your penises? Peeni? What’s the plural of penis?”
Beck closed his eyes, sighed, and counted to ten.
“Helicopter thing?” Seth repeated, sounding like he was seconds from losing his shit.
“Yeah. After the girls finished shoving money in the pouches, the firemen tore them off and started rolling their hips. Their…things started going round and round like helicopter blades.” She waved her finger in circles. “Can you guys do that with yours?”
Buddy lost his fight to hold in his laughter and Gloria chortled. Beck and Seth simply sat, utterly speechless and gaping at their girl.
“Or maybe they had to go to some school to learn that.” Heavenly paused, seeming to think it over. “Cherry said I should come to her school.”
“She did?” Gloria suddenly sobered.
“Yeah. I told her I was already in school to be a nurse. But she said that once I gradda…graddadate…graduated, I should enroll in her school because she could teach me something really useful.”
“Don’t do that,” Gloria warned.
“What kind of school?” Beck and Seth demanded at once.
“I-I don’t know,” Heavenly replied. “She never said.”
“Gloria?” Beck prodded, quickly losing patience.
Glancing toward the ceiling, his ex tried—and failed—to appear innocent. “Let it go.”
“That is not happening. Tell us,” Beck insisted.
His ex-wife blew out a futile breath. “It’s a…a squirting school.”
“A what?” Seth barked, looking furious.
“Squirting school?” Heavenly’s jaw dropped as pink stained her cheeks. “Does that mean what I think it means?”
“Yeah. You’re not enrolling, little girl,” Beck growled.
“Okay. But I bet the homework is fun,” Heavenly sighed wistfully.
At that, Beck roared with laughter. And Seth finally found his sense of humor and joined in.
“Drink your coffee, angel,” Seth instructed. “After that, we’ll pour you into bed.”
Dutifully, she did, then set her cup aside.
“I’ll get her some ibuprofen and water,” Beck volunteered as Seth lifted Heavenly off the couch. “You’re going to feel like homegrown hell in the morning.”
“You think?” She sounded disheartened, then shook her head. “Even if I do, it was worth it. Thank you for a fun night, Gloria. I love you.”
“I love you, too, sugar. It was fun. I’ll see you in the morning,” she said with a grin and a wave, then cupped Buddy’s chin and smiled up at him. “Take me to bed, you big stud.”
As predicted, Heavenly and Gloria were in rough shape the next day. After drawing the kitchen curtains to block the bright Nevada sun, Beck doled out the ibuprofen.
The girls sat at the kitchen counter with Buddy and Seth, who were coaxing them to drink water and orange juice to flush the alcohol from their systems. Beck prepared a high-sugar breakfast of French toast, fresh fruit, and bacon to boost their blood sugar since the booze had depleted it.
“I feel like I’ve been run over by a bus. I’m never drinking again,” Heavenly moaned, cupping her forehead with both hands.
Gloria, looking somehow both pale and green, wasn’t faring much better.
Buddy patted his bride’s back. “But what about the reception ceremony? I bought a case of special champagne to—”
“Shut up or I’ll puke all over you.” Gloria slid a bracing hand over her stomach.
He didn’t look fazed. “You came close last night.”
“Ugh. Don’t remind me.”
Beck tried not to laugh since it would piss Gloria off. Seth was less subtle, chuckling aloud.
“After you get some food in your system, you’ll feel like a whole new woman,” Beck assured.
“Can’t you just open your black bag and give me a pill that will knock my ass out so I can sleep off this shit?”
“Yeah,” Heavenly seconded. “Maybe some Thorazine or something.”
Beck scowled. “Anti-psychotic medication?”
“Yes. Clearly, I must be psychotic for drinking so much last night.”
Seth laughed outright, then leaned in close. “I got a better idea. Beck and I can take you upstairs, turn on some music—extra loud—and do the helicopter thing you seemed so excited about last night.”
“Shh,” she scolded. “Don’t you dare. I have a headache.”
Beck, Buddy, and Seth didn’t even try to hold back, simply howled with laughter. Both girls covered their ears and glared.
“If you assholes are going to laugh at us, do it quietly,” Gloria snapped.
Beck laughed even harder—until he saw anger transform Buddy’s face. And when the seemingly mild plumber wrapped his beefy hand around Gloria’s throat, Beck dropped the spatula. Waves of tension poured off Seth. Visions of abusive johns who’d once used Gloria as a punching bag swarmed Beck’s brain.