Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 65683 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 328(@200wpm)___ 263(@250wpm)___ 219(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 65683 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 328(@200wpm)___ 263(@250wpm)___ 219(@300wpm)
I could see it in his eyes right away when I didn’t speak. He wanted to apologize and take back his hateful words, but that wasn’t my father. He remained the solid man he always was. Breathing heavy with flared nostrils and a look of pity on his face.
I backed away from the situation before I said something I regretted.
“Run along, Son. Which one of your girls or parties am I paying for tonight? Huh?” he yelled as I stormed out, slamming the door behind me.
I couldn’t believe this, tearing into my insecurities. I wasn’t expecting that.
I didn’t bother to look back.
It was pointless.
The damage was done.
I hated myself for letting down my guard and allowing them to see the truths I hid so well for many years that it became second nature.
I wanted to hit something.
I wanted to scream.
I wanted to run away.
I wanted to make this fucking feeling go away. I’d give anything to bring back my not-giving-a-fuck attitude that I had gotten so used to. Seeking comfort in myself.
All I ever had was that.
I owned it.
Now that was torn away from me.
I roughly raked my fingers through my hair. My anger and nerves were set on fire. My body was scorching hot, my adrenaline pumping so hard that all I could see was red, and all I could feel was blue. I wanted to claw out of my skin for being so fucking stupid. I desperately tried to work off this emotional bullshit. Before I knew it, I was at the gym, taking my frustrations out on the bags and weights instead.
Hit after hit.
Lift after lift
But it didn’t matter because I could still see my reflection in the mirror, and it was one of pure pain, reminding me yet again that I was always lacking and would never be enough.
This was what I was good at. What I excelled at. Where I thrived. This was what I was meant to do with my life.
With or without their consent.
CHAPTER 12
TRU
It was a long day, followed by a long night. I lay against my bed and stared at the wall.
He was gone.
He’d been gone for a while, but I knew it was his family dinner night.
His parents weren’t horrible; they were just… aggressive when it came to what they wanted for him. Honestly, it wasn’t my issue or damage, so I had no clue why I was so worried when he didn’t come back.
I knew they could be obsessive about most things when it came to him and following the path they wanted for him.
No matter what.
Before I could give it another relentless thought, I jumped a foot. Within seconds, loud music started thumping through the house.
Frowning, I sat up and walked toward the door, only to have it shoved open. Van stood there. His green eyes were wild, and his chest was heaving.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“No.” I could barely hear his answer. “I’m not.”
“What can I do to—”
His hands came to my waist, lifting me into the air and slamming me back against my mattress. His mouth fused with mine, and I could barely breathe.
I accepted it.
I accepted him.
I pulled him close and clung to him. He shook so hard that I almost panicked until he flung himself onto his back and pulled me on top of him, holding me close.
“Okay, okay.” I pressed my forehead to his. “Okay.”
“It’s not okay,” he rasped.
“But it will be,” I argued. “One day, it’ll be okay, and you’ll be mad you bit me.”
“I bit you?” He shook his head in confusion, his eyes never leaving mine.
I laughed. “No, but you looked angry enough to bite me. The whole point is…one day, it’ll be fine. Maybe not now, and perhaps not tomorrow, but I’m here, existing at this moment for you even though I hate you half the time.”
“You’ve always hated me half the time.”
“Yet you’re still using me to make you feel better.”
“I never used you.”
“Then why are you here?”
“I think that’s pretty obvious.”
“Which is exactly what I just said to you.”
“I didn’t see you putting up a fight.”
“I never do, do I?”
“You’re not playing fair.”
“I’m not playing at all. I was stupid to let you use me then, and I’m even dumber now to allow you to continue.”
“Again, I never used you.”
“Whatever.”
“Can we just pretend that the past doesn’t exist?” He clung to my waist, his fingers digging into my skin. “And that this is real, and you aren’t just a tutor who hates me, but my friend who wants to be there for me?”
“We’ve never been friends.”
“You’re right. We were so much more than that, and you know it.”
“I don’t know anything. Especially when it comes to the paradox of contradictions that is Vaughan Aires.”
“You know you’re sitting on my cock, right? You don’t have to refer to me in the third person.”