Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 79308 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 397(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79308 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 397(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
“Who was that fat guy you were with?” one of them asked, making me stop dead in my tracks.
“I thought you were going to kiss him,” another said.
“Are you a chub chaser?” the third asked, and they cracked up laughing.
“What? No. Fuck that. He was no one, and I wasn’t going to kiss him,” Corbin replied.
My heart dropped to my gut. My chest, hell, every muscle in my body, tightened. Fuck Corbin. Fuck all of them. I was somebody whether they saw it or not. Clearly, the connection I’d felt was completely one-sided. I didn’t want to be friends with someone who didn’t see my value and thought it was funny to kiss someone like me anyway.
Over the next few years, I saw Corbin on and off. We didn’t talk, and if he’d seen me, he either didn’t recognize me or didn’t want to speak to me. I noticed as he lost more weight, gained more muscle. When his face changed slightly—the bump in his nose disappearing—I noticed that as well.
It was better that we weren’t friends, that I didn’t think there was more to Corbin than met the eye. We were too different, he was too superficial, and what I would never admit to anyone other than myself was that he’d hurt me too much.
CHAPTER ONE
Corbin
December 1
“I look good. Don’t I look good?” I asked my friends, straightening out my tux dramatically. We were at a fundraiser Elliott’s mom, Cat, had organized for World AIDS Day. Elliott was Parker’s husband, and Parker was one of my best friends. I felt like my life started as a preteen when Marcus, Parker, and Declan came into my life. I didn’t know what it felt like to have friends before them—not real ones. They were more than that to me, though. They were my family, the only ones in the world who loved and accepted me completely, despite my flaws. I didn’t know what I would do without them, and I hoped like hell the day never came that I had to find out.
“You look great, cutie.” Kai winked at me. He was Marcus’s boyfriend, and I had never seen my friend happier. Marcus was my person. He always had been and always would be. I couldn’t pretend I wasn’t silently struggling with the fact that he had someone else in his life now. All my friends did, which made it even more difficult. The four of us were now the seven of us, with me being the odd man out. I loved their partners. Kai, Elliott, and Sebastian were great for them. I wanted their happiness more than anything, but what if the time came where they didn’t need me anymore? Because the truth was, I would always need them more than they probably did me.
“I love your boyfriend,” I said cheekily to Marcus, who chuckled.
We talked and laughed, the conversation flowing easily. We joked about Sebastian’s screenplay, which would start filming sometime in the new year, and what roles we hoped were or weren’t in it, depending on how much each of us liked or disliked attention.
I added my thoughts when I should, smiling and teasing because that’s who I was. Making people laugh and being playful were a whole lot easier to deal with than sharing the fears that plagued me constantly.
When Elliott said, “Thank you, beautiful,” and kissed Parker, I took that as my cue to speak again.
“Anyone else turned on?” I joked, making them all laugh, which again helped fill some of those empty spaces inside me, even if only temporarily. “I think I’m going to find me one of these.” I pointed to the group.
“One of what?” Marcus asked. “I’m confused.”
“A boyfriend. I’m gonna find one.”
“Did you try the Boyfriend Warehouse downtown?” Declan joked.
“Ha-ha.” I flipped him off. “I’m serious. I want to try the boyfriend thing too. Anyone have recommendations on where I can get one?” Settling down with someone had never been something I imagined would happen. I figured I was lucky enough to have Marcus, Parker, and Declan. Finding someone else who could handle me and love me for me seemed like asking for too much. And also, I couldn’t pretend I ever thought settling down suited me. I still wasn’t sure if it did. As shitty as it made me sound, feeling wanted by men, lots of them, made me feel important.
We joked back and forth about how I could find a boyfriend, until Marcus stepped away from Kai, wrapped an arm around me, and kissed my temple. “What the hell is wrong with you, kid?” Part of me felt like shit that he had to comfort me this way, that he had to let go of his boyfriend to give me something he knew I needed, but the other part of me burrowed into him, savoring his warmth and how this made me feel loved. I’d always liked affection, but I hadn’t realized how much of a cuddle slut I was until Elliott had called me out on it. I was lucky that none of the boyfriends felt any kind of jealousy over my relationship with my Beach Bums—a nickname we’d come up with for ourselves when we were kids.