Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 77220 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 386(@200wpm)___ 309(@250wpm)___ 257(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77220 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 386(@200wpm)___ 309(@250wpm)___ 257(@300wpm)
“One night in exchange for a computer lab for so many poor, under-privileged kids.”
“How could you?” I gasped.
“Take it or leave it.”
I took a step backward, then another. Then I turned and ran to the door, reaching blindly for the handle as the tears had started to fall.
“Savannah⎯”
Whatever else he had been about to say fell on deaf ears as I fled the office. I did not care who saw me as I ran. I took the stairs, afraid that if I waited for the elevator he would follow. After a few flights, I sat on a landing and allowed the sobs to wrack me for a few minutes. Thankfully, there was no one who felt the need to get their steps in and I had the staircase to myself. When I felt in control once more, I wiped my eyes and continued my journey downward. I changed my initial plan of sitting in the parking garage while traffic ran off. I preferred to sit in traffic bumper to bumper, burning precious gas than to be anywhere near Max at this point.
I drove into the traffic and kept the windows up to keep out exhaust fumes and provide me some amount of privacy as I processed what had just taken place. The tears came once more. The last time I had been this emotional was during that turbulent time when I found out Max was not only an embezzler he was also cheating on me.
My thoughts went back to that night of my twenty-first birthday as I had sat in the restaurant waiting for him, a small box in hand. That small box was still in the back of a drawer in my dresser on top of a picture. I had not thought about it since the night I had put it there when all hell had broken loose in my young life.
After Robert had shown me the pictures, I had naively still held out hope that Max would reach out and we would be able to talk. I was so young I actually believed there might be a different explanation. I had believed in him until the last possible moment. But when the news of his arrest had broken, I had no choice but to believe that if his embezzlement was true, so was the point of his cheating.
I had decided that I wanted to face him one last time and look him in the eye as I confronted him. But fate had other plans. The morning I planned to visit him while he awaited trial, I woke up in pain with cramps. In total panic I saw the blood on the sheets.
And immediately, I knew: I was losing my baby, just like I had lost its father, and there was not a damn thing I could do about it.
At the hospital, I was informed sudden stress levels could affect the fetus, especially in the first trimester and it often led to miscarriages. I remained hospitalized for two days and was told to continue with bed rest for another two weeks when I returned home as my blood pressure was high enough to cause a stroke. Someone my age should not have such an elevated blood pressure.
My mother saw to it that I obeyed the doctor’s orders. As a result, Max’s trial came and went, and he was behind bars before I was back on my feet.
The memories of my miscarried child came up before me, and for the first time since it happened, I allowed it to come rather than push it back. The tears which pricked my eyes, I gave free rein to the flow.
The stress, elevated blood pressure and eventual miscarriage had only one source: Max. I was fine when I went to the doctor to confirm the result of the pregnancy test kit. I was eight weeks pregnant and doing fine. How silly of me, but I had taken the little plastic strip, wrapped it up in a pink bow with blue dots, and placed it in a gift box. That’s how excited I’d been to share my big news with Max. We’d often talked of wanting to be together forever and having a family so I was expecting a night of happiness and celebrations. I would have been better off taking the advice of my friends, who warned me I was too young. It was madness to settle down with the first man who came my way. I thought I knew better. I thought I’d found my soul mate and life partner all in one.
Yeah, after I lost my baby and Max it got bad. There was even a point when I wondered if I was losing my mind.
But time, the quintessential healer, did its job. After a season of unbearable sadness, each day became easier. I could actually wake up and go on with life. Slowly, painfully, I came to grips with the fact that I could not change what had happened. I could not change Max’s infidelity or the fact that he was an embezzler. Nor could I bring back my baby. I could only move on alone and with the firm resolve never to put myself in such a position ever again.