Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 71840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 359(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 359(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
I shook my head, pressing my lips together, scared the words would come out without my permission.
He moved his hips. The slow drag of his cock against mine, even through layers of fabric, had me bucking up, trying to get more. He let go of one of my wrists and wrapped his hand around my throat, shoving me into the couch. “Fucking say it.”
“Can’t.” I could barely get the word out with his pressure on my windpipe.
He squeezed me tighter, completely cutting off my air. I met his gaze, but I didn’t struggle. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.
Finally, he released me, pushing me away and standing.
“So it’s going to be like it always was, huh? You beg me, open for me, surrender to me in bed, but as soon as we’re done, you tell me you hate me. You don’t want anything to do with me. You’re never going to trust me, are you, never going to see….”
“See what…?”
“Damn it Carter, why do you think I did what I did?”
“Because you didn’t want me to die.”
“That’s it? Just because I’m such a nice fucking guy I decided to save you?” He stomped off to the office and slammed the door.
The sound echoed through the cabin and through me, jarring things loose that I needed to keep walled up. My throat felt closed off, my lungs unable to get enough air. I was going to puke or pass out or something. I had to get out of there.
I should worry that Matteo was in my office, but what was he going to do? Apparently, he’s one of the good guys just like me. Why was that so fucking hard to accept?
Maybe because if you believe he did this for you, if you believe he cared that much about you—maybe even loved you—then you’ll have to open yourself up to the feelings you had for him, the ones that were just right, the ones your instincts screamed at you to follow.
He was part of this mission for now, no matter how much hell that was going to put me through—or how much pleasure. Sometimes it was hard to separate the two.
“Don’t leave this fucking house,” I yelled at him.
“As you wish, darling,” he snarled back.
I slammed the door behind me so hard I was surprised it didn’t fall off the hinges. Good thing the cabin was well constructed, though Matteo and I might tear it down if we stayed much longer.
I didn’t know where the hell I was going, but I knew I needed to be away from him.
I probably shouldn’t drive in my current state, but if that asshole was going to run now, I wasn’t going to give him the luxury of a vehicle. He could fucking leave on foot. God help him if he took one of Ford’s horses. I doubted he knew how to ride, though the thought of him on a horse, his powerful thighs gripping its sides….
He isn’t going to run. You know that. You’re fucking stuck with him.
I slammed the SUV into gear and took off, dust rising behind me as I raced over the gravel road, not caring what it did to my car.
15
MATTEO
Istared at the door long after he’d slammed it closed. Watching, listening. Did I really think he’d come to his senses, run back in, confess his feelings, apologize, and get on his knees? That wasn’t going to happen. I was a fool to have said anything. I should have just given him the punishing fuck he was asking for and enjoyed myself. Why did I have to push for more?
Because when you’ve both come and he’s pushed you away, you’ll still feel like you do now, like you’re not whole, like you’d do anything for his attention, like you would die if he made you leave.
Fuck.
I paced around the cabin for an unknown amount of time. I kept hoping he’d come back, that he’d walk off his anger or decide he’d enjoy it more if he came back and beat me up. Or if he yelled at me and fucked me again. Something, anything, was better than knowing he was out there while I didn’t know where he was, or when or if I’d get him to open up and confess what he felt.
I wanted to go after him or even call one of his friends to do it, but I didn’t. He’d insisted many times he could take care of himself, and I knew he could, he was a SEAL. So I went into his office to get some research done. I was able to break into his laptop more easily than I expected. I was going have to talk to him about his personal cybersecurity.
I took the slim information I had from my handler, and the other tidbits I had gotten so far through Leo, and started discovering what I could about Carter’s family.