Total pages in book: 41
Estimated words: 37293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 186(@200wpm)___ 149(@250wpm)___ 124(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 37293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 186(@200wpm)___ 149(@250wpm)___ 124(@300wpm)
She wasn’t about to explain any of this to her mom.
“You need me?”
She shook her head, so touched that he would face this with her.
“No, Dad, let me handle this, because the way she just acted is totally uncalled for.” Yeah, she had just sprung this on her mom, and she probably was surprised and nervous about it all, too, but her leaving like some kind of petulant child was ridiculous and embarrassing.
Shoshanna moved out the front door and saw her mom sitting on the porch, a cigarette in hand and her focus on the street.
“Mom, the way you’re acting is ridiculous. You think this is easy on me—”
“Come sit down next to me, Shoshanna.” Her mom cut her off, and the soft sound of her mother’s voice had Shoshanna a little taken aback. She looked over her shoulder, smiled at her, and patted the cement beside her.
Her mom snubbed out the cigarette, and slid over to the side to give Shoshanna a little more room.
When they were sitting beside each other they were silent for several long moments, and then her mother exhaled as she shifted on the step to face Shoshanna.
“I know that I am hard on you, and I know that I snub my nose at a lot of things.”
The fact her mom was admitting this was strange, especially since she was pretty much admitting she had been in the wrong. Her mother was always proper, always acting like her shit smelled like roses, and although Shoshanna would always love her, the annoyance over that fact drove her mad.
“I know this is hard to believe, especially with the way I have been acting, but I only want the best for you.” She looked at the road again, and a kid rode by on his bike. “I never made it a secret that I came from nothing, worked hard for what I had, and then suddenly your father made it big, the money was rolling in, and I changed.”
The last part was said with almost shame, and Shoshanna felt something inside of her change as she stared at her mother.
“Mom…” Shoshanna wasn’t sure what to say in response.
“I don’t want you saying anything, honey. I just want you to know that I guess anymore it’s like second nature for me to be like I am. I have this wall up, trying to keep anything out that frightens me or isn’t what I want.” She looked at Shoshanna again. “But you’re going to have a child of your own, and I want you to know that I love you, and that you’ll make a wonderful mother.” She was silent for a moment before she continued. “You’ll be a much better mother than I was, of that I have no doubt.”
The tears started to come, not just because she was so hormonal, but also because her mom was being honest with her. She opened up to her, showed her this vulnerability that made Shoshanna feel like she was human as well. “I felt like I never measured up to what you wanted.”
“Oh honey.” Her mom pulled her in for a hug. “I am the one that has failed you as a mother, and I am sorry for that. I just want to be a better mom for you, and I don’t want this wall between us. I’ve built it up to keep others out, but it has also kept you out as well.”
They sat there in silence, the sound of the birds chirping filling the air, and the dusk settling over the sky. A nice peace surrounded them, one that she had never felt with her mom. She wanted this all the time, wanted to be able to talk to her mom about baby stuff, go out to lunch without having to feel like she was a failure.
This was a side of her mom she had only seen very early on in her life, and those memories were fading fast. But this was a step in the right direction, in the area that brought them closer, and Shoshanna couldn’t wait to explore more of it, and grow as a person with her mom.
The front door opened, and she looked over her shoulder to see Toby standing on the other side.
“Toby, wait,” her mom said, and Shoshanna stared at her mom as she stood and walked over to the man she was falling in love with. “I want to apologize for my behavior. I can see you care about my daughter very much, and the fact you are taking care of her and your child is very mature and admirable.”
Toby looked a little taken back as well, but he smiled. “I love your daughter, and have no plans on ever changing that.”
Her heart sped up, and when her mother pulled Toby in for a hug, she smiled at him. Her mom left them alone, and Toby moved over to her.