Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 90290 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 451(@200wpm)___ 361(@250wpm)___ 301(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90290 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 451(@200wpm)___ 361(@250wpm)___ 301(@300wpm)
“Jealous much?”
I shake my head. “It’s not about being jealous, Dad. I love her far too much to let another woman touch me, and if another man touched her . . .” I trail off. I honestly don’t know what I’d do, but I’d likely end up in jail.
We run in silence for a mile, both of us huffing and puffing thanks to the heat and air quality. While I like being in California where the sun shines almost every day, there is something to be said about cozying up on a gloomy day by the fire with the love of your life nestled next to you. Those are the days in Portland that I don’t want to give up. My thoughts on the job aren’t always about football, but about the life Peyton and I have built there. While I know my friends can travel to wherever and vice versa, relationships change when people move away, just as priorities change when a couple has children. Once Julius and Autumn welcomed their third child, Autumn considered quitting her job. Julius instead, took over more of the parental duties, except during the season, so Autumn could continue to do the job she loved. This all meant the time Julius and I spent together lessened. Honestly, I sort of look forward to hitting up the park with our kids.
We hit a two-mile mark and slow down to a jog. “Want to sit for a minute?” Dad asks. I’m breathing just as hard as he is, otherwise I’d call him old. For his age, he’s in damn good shape and I can only hope I look the same. We walk until we find an empty bench and sit down facing the water, which surfers have taken over. I bet that if I squint, I’ll find Quinn out there or even Ben. They seem to spend a lot of time together when Ben’s here. I don’t mind that I’m not included, surfing really isn’t my thing.
“Wanna talk about what’s going on with Peyton?”
“Not really,” I tell him. I doubt he’ll understand. I know my mom struggled getting pregnant after she and my dad married, and at one point were adopting a baby until the mother changed her mind. As a family, we never discussed this or how I felt. One day I think I’m about to get a sibling and the next I’m not. For a young kid that’s a tough pill to swallow. But then, Paige comes along, and everyone is happy, and all is right in the Westbury house.
“I figured, but I thought I’d give it a try.”
“It sucks,” I tell him. “I didn’t imagine things to be this way, even though I knew the accident did a number on her body. She’s so strong though and never lets anyone see when she’s in pain. You know, she keeps her office at eighty degrees because the cold affects her. She rarely stays on the sideline, which I get, but still. Peyton wants a baby, one she gives birth to, and I’m doing my best to support this decision. I want it too, but at what cost to my wife?” I look off into the horizon, fighting back a wave of emotion. I can never say these things to her, not in a million years. It’s not about communication. These are my fears, and mine alone. I refuse to burden her, she has enough to worry about.
“As a father, there’s a lot about a woman and her desire for motherhood that we’ll never understand. Women have a time limit on their bodies, where men can produce children into their seventies and eighties. None of it will ever make sense. What Peyton’s going through . . .” He trails off and then sighs. “All you can do is be her support and let her know when you’re hurting too. Bottling it up and combining it with this contract shit isn’t good for either of you.”
“I do support her,” I tell him. “I hate that I’m not getting the job done for her, giving her the one thing she wants most right now. It destroys me to know our child will be created in a dish and maybe her body will reject carrying it. I also know, if I had come clean about how I felt about her from the jump, none of this would be happening. If I hadn’t cared about what our families would say about me wanting to be with her, she wouldn’t have been in that car.”
My dad sits there, knowing he can’t deny my logic. I will forever regret that I didn’t have the balls to tell Peyton how I felt and act on my feelings. She should’ve been mine from the night of her prom. Hell, even before that, but I was scared. Scared of what my parents would think, what Katelyn would think, and how I’d look to the NFL. The headlines would’ve done me in, and I’d forever be known as the quarterback dating an eighteen-year-old. My agent would’ve canned my ass. And because of my ego, the love of my life almost died in a car accident.