Total pages in book: 47
Estimated words: 46733 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 234(@200wpm)___ 187(@250wpm)___ 156(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 46733 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 234(@200wpm)___ 187(@250wpm)___ 156(@300wpm)
I swallow, sensing I can’t put it off any longer. I have to tell her.
“Yeah.”
She opens the door, eyes narrowing in a look I know.
She’s almost always been able to tell when I’m hiding something. I managed to keep this a secret because Banner was abroad.
I could tell myself there was no secret to keep.
After all, nothing happened.
Mila walks over, looking down at me, a soft frown on her lips.
“What’s wrong? You may have fooled Mom and everybody else. But no way did you run off like that because you needed to pee.”
I lie back on the bed, groaning, staring at the ceiling.
“Brooke?”
“It’s complicated,” I say.
Mila listens as I tell her about the party, the longing afterward, and the yearning to be with him. We’re sitting on the small balcony that has an unobstructed view of the ocean, making it feel like we’re sitting at the edge of the world.
Guilt hits me for keeping the secret, so I tell her all of it, the over-the-top thoughts I’ve been having about getting married one day, having a family, and truly being together.
“Wow,” Mila says when I’m done, her fingers fiddling with her hair as she often does. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
“I knew you had a crush on him, but….”
“I know,” I sigh. “This is a little more than a crush.”
“Yeah,” Mila mutters sarcastically. “Just a little.”
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” I go on, thinking of the dogs in the shelter, an excitable Jack Russell in particular.
Dad has terrible allergies, so we’ve never had one of our own. But I want one or two, or three… to go along with the three or four babies Banner and I will have together.
“Why not?”
“Didn’t you hear me?” I say, my voice is far too confrontational than I mean it to be. “It only happened…whatever it was. He leaned in, sort of close, but not majorly. It was just maybe ten seconds, and it was over so fast. It’s crazy I’m making such a big deal out of it. And even that was because he was drunk.”
“Is Banner a big drinker?” Mila asks quietly.
“I don’t know. Not a big drinker, maybe. Dad never mentioned it. I’ve never seen it. But he was clearly drunk that night.”
“Maybe you should try and talk to him,” Mila says.
“And say what?”
She shrugs. “Clear the air. Tell him you want this weekend to go smoothly. It’s about Mom and Gilbert.”
“I know. I don’t want to ruin Dad’s wedding. I don’t want to ruin Sonya’s big day. I just need to get my act together, just…just accept I’m going to see him this weekend, no big deal.”
“No big deal,” Mila repeats, shaking her head slowly. “Sorry, Brooke, but….”
“I know. I’m not fooling you, am I?”
“No. Not anymore.”
I reach over, touching her hand. “I wanted to tell you. But I thought, maybe if I just ignored it long enough, it might go away. The feelings, I mean. Thinking about it all the time. But it hasn’t.”
“Hey, I’m sorry.” Mila gives my hand a squeeze. “I didn’t mean to accuse you or anything like that. I totally get why you didn’t tell me. It’s fine. But I do think you two need to talk. Even if it’s just so you can stop wondering.”
“Wondering?”
Mila tilts her head, looking at me piercingly. “I can tell how badly you want to believe it wasn’t the alcohol. That he really wanted to kiss you.”
I smile and frown at the same time, not even sure if that’s possible. But there it is, the perfect example of these clashing emotions.
Be with the man I can’t stop thinking about….
And ruin dad’s life.
“Maybe,” I admit. “But I shouldn’t want that.”
“You need to know, one way or the other,” she says.
“I guess I could ask him to meet,” I say, nerves alight in my belly. “Just quickly. Just to talk.”
Mila nods. “We’ve all got these fancy new cell phones. Why don’t you text him? The island isn’t big, but it’s big enough for a private conversation.”
“He’s probably forgotten about it,” I say. “It happened over a year ago now. And it’s not like it was this huge event to him. He’s been in Tokyo, saving another company from going bust. He probably hasn’t thought about it once. He’s probably had sex with like ten women in the past year. I mean, just look at him.”
“Probably,” Mila mutters. “You’re saying that word a lot. You need to know what’s going on.”
I swallow, looking behind us into my bedroom at my cell phone resting on the bed.
“Is this serious big-sister advice?”
She beams, making me forget about the anxiety cutting through me for a moment. Letting me focus on how wonderful this is, the whole thing, having a stepsister, a stepmom I really love, and dad finally finding somebody else after years of grief.