Total pages in book: 134
Estimated words: 131209 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 656(@200wpm)___ 525(@250wpm)___ 437(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131209 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 656(@200wpm)___ 525(@250wpm)___ 437(@300wpm)
F-U-C-K.
That’s the best way to describe me.
I fucked them, like I loved them. And that’s exactly why they always came back for more.
I was the girl your parents warned you about.
The one they told you not to trust.
The one to stay away from.
The one that could break your heart, and go back for more.
Just because I could.
<>D<>
“You’re silly!” Christine said, laughing.
I had met her a few months ago, just shy of turning thirty-seven years old. She was a breath of fresh air, though she was a lot younger then I was. Nine years younger to be exact. She had a tumultuous relationship, as she called it, with her high school sweetheart Derrick.
I met her one night at my bar; she came in with some of her friends and her brother Landon and his wife, Aubrey, it was his birthday. They were a fun crowd. I spent a lot of the night talking to her, and we got to know each other on a different level. I never cared much to talk to women about my personal life, but something about Christine made it easy for me to share.
She made me laugh, a lot. Most of the time I couldn’t believe half the shit that came out of her mouth. She was random and so full of energy; I didn’t think I could keep up. I guess you could say she made me lighten up and maybe even kept me young.
If that made any sense at all.
I enjoyed her company that night. We exchanged phone numbers and before I knew it we were dating. I met her brother Landon a few other times; he was a nice guy. He and his wife had two young boys, with a girl on the way. They both seemed close, like I was with my sisters. I really liked that about her.
We had exclusively been together for the last month or so. Before that, we were talking/dating for at least four months. My sisters and mother approved of her immediately; they were ecstatic that I had finally settled down. And she seemed to fit in nicely with my family.
She was the first woman I had ever met that I didn’t feel the urge or need to protect. It was a nice change of pace for me. It was probably one of the reasons I was so attracted to her. Or it could have been the fact that I felt old. I had just turned thirty-seven and I was alone. I was tired of coming home to an empty house. I never thought the day would come where I felt lonely, but I did.
I didn’t want to die alone. To be completely honest, I didn’t know if it was Christine or if it could have been any woman at that point in my life. I just felt like I needed to settle down with someone that made me happy, and she did.
Even if the love I felt wasn’t consuming and devouring, or life-altering as I heard many of my friends and family members describe… maybe I just wasn’t made like that. I had seen too much and experienced more than any person should ever go through.
This was the best it could ever get for me. And I was alright with that.
“Devon, what are those dreams about?”
I swallowed, turning away from her and staring at the ocean in front of us. She nestled up closer to me, almost sensing that I needed it.
“Just dreams,” I replied.
“I’m aware of that part. What are they about? You seem terrified when they happen and sometimes it scares me. When you wake up, it’s almost like you’re still there. Wherever it is that you’re coming from.”
I took in her words, knowing exactly what she was talking about.
They were real.
I lived through them.
“I just want to help you. I want to help us… all three of us.”
I instantly turned to look at her. “What?” I questioned confused.
She smiled. “I know… we haven’t been together long, but I do love you. I have no idea how it happened, because we never have sex without a condom, but I’m pregnant, Devon. I went to the doctor a few days ago to confirm and I’ve been trying to find the right time to tell you.” She extended her hands up in the air. “SURPRISE! You knocked me up!” she yelled, laughing.
Only she could make such a special moment a joke. I laughed. “I don’t… wow… what? I’m mean, are you sure? I’m yes… the doctor told you…” I mumbled, trying to gather my thoughts.
She chuckled, lifting up onto her knees and facing me. “Are you happy? I mean is this okay?”
“Yeah… it’s more than okay.”
“Really?”
I nodded. “I love you, too. I couldn’t be happier right now.” And it was the truth… in that moment, under the sunset, on the sand, with her in my arms, carrying my child. Our child. I loved her.