Total pages in book: 184
Estimated words: 188108 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 941(@200wpm)___ 752(@250wpm)___ 627(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 188108 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 941(@200wpm)___ 752(@250wpm)___ 627(@300wpm)
It wasn’t possible, but she could try and fool herself into thinking it was.
“Don’t even think about moving,” Salem’s cold voice told her.
This was how it had been since they’d first found her. They all stared at her now like they didn’t know her.
Like they were waiting for the other shoe to drop.
And she understood it. Why wouldn’t they be thinking like that? Why would they keep trusting her?
However, it was hard to be on the receiving end of those stares. She hated that they gave her coldness and distrust when she’d grown used to their warmth and care.
But no less than you deserve.
In fact, you deserve far more.
Their wrath. Their anger.
Their punishment.
However with punishment came forgiveness. They’d taught her that.
And she couldn’t be punished because they couldn’t forgive her.
Why would they when she couldn’t forgive herself?
Even though she didn’t know what else she could have done. Even though she’d done the best she could to mitigate things so that they weren’t in danger. So that Pinky didn’t gain anything that he could use against them.
Even then . . . she still didn’t deserve it.
Maybe she could show them that she could be different.
Be the person they deserved.
How long would it take? A year? Two?
Ten.
But they were worth it. They were worth everything.
So she sat, but she couldn’t eat. It was physically impossible. She just knew everything would come back up as soon as it hit her stomach.
“You need to eat,” Roman told her quietly. “You haven’t been eating since you got back and you’re losing weight.”
She stared across at him. He looked so sad.
God, how she hated that.
Roman should never feel sad. And definitely not because of her.
However, she didn’t make a move to pick up the fork. They all had plates of food sitting in front of them as well, untouched.
Had they been eating? Sleeping?
They looked almost as bad as she did. Was that her fault, too?
“Eat!” Alexei slammed his fist down on the table, making her flinch and shy back.
Years of her grandpa’s volatile temper and her sperm donor’s ‘training’ and she still flinched.
She didn’t know why.
“Alexei,” Salem snapped.
Alexei stood and started to pace. Back and forth. Back and forth.
She watched him warily. Would he attack her?
What would she do if he did?
Just take it?
She wasn’t sure that she could. Her instincts might kick in and she could end up fighting back.
And she didn’t want to fight him.
Although she was pretty certain that she wouldn’t win. Alexei was built like a brick wall. And he was skilled. While she was fast, she wasn’t sure if that would work that well against him.
“Tamsyn, look at me,” Salem told her in a low, stern voice.
Tamsyn. Not baby or Little one or Pet.
Nope. Just Tamsyn.
Because that was who she was. She wasn’t theirs.
Had she become some sort of charity case? Someone they took on out of pity.
God.
She wasn’t sure what was worse. Pity or ire.
Actually, yes, she was. She hated being pitied.
She moved her gaze to Salem’s, obeying him. Because that’s how he’d trained her.
And she couldn’t seem to break that hold he had on her. That they all had.
Reaching down, she started scratching at the scab on her knee. She wasn’t sure when she’d gotten it but couldn’t seem to let it heal. Every time it itched, it felt like a reminder of what she’d done.
Of how she’d lost everything.
59
“Stop itching,” Roman urged. “You’re going to scar.”
So?
Scratch. Scratch. Scratch.
Suddenly, Alexei was behind her. Reaching around her, he grabbed her hands and yanked them up.
He didn’t hurt her. His touch wasn’t harsh. But it did make her skin wake up. Electrical shocks of surprise and . . . and pleasure ran through her.
Really? She felt pleasure?
When she had been trying so hard to feel nothing for the last few days.
Keeping herself numb around these guys was far harder than she’d thought possible.
“Do not scratch,” Alexei told her, placing her hands gently on the table.
“Tamsyn.”
Salem again. Right. She was meant to be looking at him. But she felt overwhelmed, confused.
Alexei stepped away, taking even that small bit of comfort with him.
If there was ever a time for her to cry, now would have been it. But she was empty.
Be numb.
You can’t cry. If you start, you don’t know when you will stop.
“You. Will. Eat.” Each word that Salem spoke was infused with command. A pure order that couldn’t be ignored.
Yet, she found herself shaking her head.
“Yes.”
“I can’t,” she said hoarsely.
“Why the fuck not?” Alexei exploded. He was across the table from her once more, leaning his hands on the back of a chair.
Probably to stop himself from coming around her to wring her lying, deceitful neck.
“Because it all looks so beautiful.”
Salem stared at her for a long moment. “You can’t eat the food because it looks too beautiful? I can mess it up a bit if you like.”